


Confessions on the windowsill

by Saphirsilber



Series: Confessions [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Fluff and Smut, M/M, Oblivious Pining, Slow Burn, renjun is fed up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-09
Updated: 2020-11-09
Packaged: 2021-03-01 05:08:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 25,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23399713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saphirsilber/pseuds/Saphirsilber
Summary: „I think I‘m in love with Jaemin“, Jeno blurts out one day when they’re sitting at their usual table in the coffee shop. Jaemin isn‘t with them, he’s in the library for a „study date“ (Jeno doesn’t think that his attempts at studying will be very effective).Chenle chokes on his chai latte, Donghyuk drops his fork on the floor and Renjun dramatically slaps his book shut.Alternatively: Jeno has seen his best friend Jaemin fall in love countless of times and yet Jeno thinks that none of them is good enough for him.
Relationships: Hwang Hyunjun/Na Jaemin, Kim Geonhak | Leedo/Na Jaemin, Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin, Liu Yang Yang/Na Jaemin, Park Jimin/Na Jaemin, Wong Yuk Hei | Lucas/Na Jaemin
Series: Confessions [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1759681
Comments: 36
Kudos: 401





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys,  
> this is my first attempt at writing a Nomin story, I hope you‘ll enjoy it ♥️  
> ~ Saphirsilber
> 
> Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the Characters and this story is (of course) pure fiction.  
> Warnings:  
> Underage drinking, grammatical mistakes (english is not my first language), not proofread, I wrote this instead of sleeping

For as long as Jeno remembers, it's always been the five of them. Chenle, Renjun, Donghyuk, Jaemin and him had been friends since the beginning. 

Well, not since the very beginning because Chenle and Jaemin had become friends first, both with those outgoing, bubbly personalities, befriending each other on the very first day at school before class even started (by the end of first period they were basically inseparable). 

Jeno joined their friend group next, even though he still doesn’t quite know why. He still remembers his first day at Highschool, an awkward freshman with glasses too huge for his slim face that always slipped down his nose. It had been Jaemin who invited him to sit with him and Chenle at lunch when he had been searching for an empty chair at the cafeteria, tying his best to balance the tray of food in his hands.  
Jeno thinks that it could have been anyone sitting with them, Jaemin and Chenle are those kind of people that become friends with everyone and anyone (automatically, he did too, despite being the silent one in their friend group). 

Renjun had been sitting with them as well but he had been ignoring Chenle and Jaemin‘s advances to make him join their conversation. So at first, Jeno thought Renjun didn’t like them but then he sat with them the other day again and then the next day and slowly he started commenting on Chenle and Jaemin‘s happy chatting and soon they all became friends. 

Donghyuk joined them last, transferring to their school a few weeks before winter break.  
It had been Jaemin again who proposed the idea to invite Donghyuk to sit with them because „he’s the new kid, Renjun, we should take care of him a bit“. Renjun was against the idea at the beginning but Chenle, whose heart is just as big as Jaemin’s, quickly agreed and Jeno had just shrugged his shoulders.  
Renjun pretended to dislike Donghyuk at first but the latter wasn’t bothered by his snappy comments and in the following weeks Donghyuk basically glued himself to Renjun’s side until he admitted that he actually grew quite fond of him.

And so it had been the five of them through the years. 

They spent countless sleepovers at Jaemin’s home eating the delicious vanilla cookies his mum baked, until their tummies hurt, talking and laughing and pranking Renjun who somehow always fell asleep first and then eating some more cookies. 

Jeno remembers that just how Renjun would fall asleep first (usually in the big armchair in the corner of Jaemin’s room), Jeno and Jaemin would always stay up the longest. After Chenle and Donghyuk passed out on the grey couch with the small stain on the middle cushion (where Donghyuk once got a nosebleed after laughing so hard that the soda came out of his nose again), Jeno and Jaemin would take a seat on the windowsill, sharing a blanket and talk. 

On this particular windowsill Jeno always felt like he could share his darkest secrets with Jaemin and he knew that his friend felt the same. It was where he told him about his doubts concerning his idol career and Jaemin promised him that no matter how his future would turn out, he would always be there to proudly support him, it was where Jeno and him once cried about the fear of losing each other after graduating and where Jaemin held him close when he had been devastated after his parents divorce. 

It was where Jaemin told him about his first crush.  
___  
Liu Yangyang, an exchange student from Germany, who had been an incredibly gifted dancer with a kind smile and bright eyes. Jaemin had been pining over him from the moment he first stepped into their classroom and he made sure to be the one showing Yangyang around. Unsurprisingly, they got along with each other very well. Jaemin had told him the story about their chemistry teacher accidentally setting himself on fire on the way to their next class and Yangyang had laughed and told him in exchange about his horrible accident in biology class (that involved a dead frog and a fainting teacher) back in Germany. 

Yangyang occasionally sat with them at lunch break and surprisingly bonded with Renjun and Chenle over their childhood in China (in chinese, which of course only Chenle and Renjun could understand). 

It surprised Jeno when Jaemin confessed to him how he felt about Yangyang (not because Jaemin was gay, he didn’t care about that) because really, Yangyang wasn’t that special, or was he? Jeno couldn’t quite understand what he saw in him, but it didn’t matter anyways, Yangyang would go back to Germany at the end of the year. 

Jaemin danced with Yangyang at Woojin‘s halloween party. Jeno remembers Chenle’s drunk cheering and Renjun’s fake gagging when they spotted the two of them closely entwined on the dancefloor. He didn’t pay much attention to them though, because Donghyuk was very much not fake gagging and ended up throwing up in one of the flowerpots and Jeno volunteered to take care of him and bring him home safely. The party hadn’t been that good anyways. 

Yangyang asked Jaemin to prom and of course he said yes. He took Jeno with him when he bought a dress, along with Renjun (who had always been good with fashion) because „Jeno I need you to hype me up when Renjun tells me how ugly I am!“.  
Jeno wasn’t much help though, because in his opinion Jaemin looked good in anything he tried on and he ended up with a midnight blue suit that hugged his figure just right and showed off his long legs (it had been Renjun’s choice and it had been a good one). 

Yangyang was the one who taught Jaemin how to dance a proper waltz and in exchange Jaemin tutored him in biology. He practiced dancing secretly with Chenle before prom („just to make sure, I would be so embarrassed if I got it wrong“) and Donghyuk had laughed at him for having two left feet. Jeno thought that he did really well and that Yangyang should better appreciate his efforts. 

Jaemin told them about how Yangyang had kissed him at prom behind the soccer field under the light of a thousand stars in the small coffee shop two blocks away from their school where they would sometimes go after a particular long day.  
Jaemin would always order a strawberry muffin and Jeno would choose the chocolate cake because he knew how much Jaemin loved chocolate and they would always end up sharing.  
Chenle had been begging him to tell them every detail that happened at prom night as soon as he saw Jaemin that morning in the entry hall until he finally gave in about halfway through his iced americano. Jeno remembers that Donghyuk had made up dirty details about what happened next (and Renjun had slapped him for it muttering how he could never play soccer again with „those kind of pictures in his head“ despite never playing soccer in the first place) and he remembers how horribly Jaemin had blushed, insisting that „nothing more happened, Hyuk, I promise!“. 

Jaemin had cried into Jeno‘s favourite hoodie on the windowsill after Yangyang kissed another boy at his farewell party and Jeno had awkwardly rubbed his back, hugging him as tight as possible while telling him that Yangyang was a stupid thot that never deserved him in the first place anyways.  
___  
Jaemin got over Yangyang rather quickly, mostly because soon after Yangyang left to go back to Germany, he met Hwang Hyunjin. 

Hyunjin was the kind of guy everyone lowkey had a crush on („been there“, Chenle, who had already been openly bisexual at the time, admitted after Jaemin told them in the middle of a lazy afternoon they spent laying in the grass next to the river). He was always on top of every class, extraordinarily well mannered and most importantly he was ridiculously handsome. 

Jaemin convinced Jeno to join the book club with him because Hyunjin was club leader and Jeno couldn’t say no after Jaemin begged him („please Jeno, I can’t do this alone, I need you by my side to prevent me from embarrassing myself in front of the cutest guy on this school“). Renjun had called him weak after he finally gave in but Jaemin had smiled so brightly that Jeno didn’t care. 

Hyunjin always made sure to hold the library door open for Jaemin, he would help him into his jacket after meetings and walk him home with his umbrella when it rained once and Jaemin had forgotten his raincoat, making sure that he arrived dry at home while Hyunjin got completely soaked himself (Jeno was sure that he still managed to look stunning, even with his wet hair sticking against his forehead and his shirt clinging onto his chest. In fact, he knew because Jaemin told him one night on the windowsill). 

They all got invited to Hyunjin‘s birthday party („It’s because he wants to get into Jaemin’s pants, guys“, Donghyuk had claimed and Jaemin had been blushing again, muttering a „shut up“ but Jeno could see his pleased smile) and Jeno doesn’t remember a lot of this fateful night. He got absolutely hammered, breaking his glass twice before Chenle decided to get him a plastic cup. Donghyuk told him he made out with one of the theater girls after dancing on top of Hyunjin‘s couch table but Jeno can’t tell if that really happened. The last thing he knows is that shortly before his blackout he saw Jaemin heavily making out with Hyunjin in the kitchen and then he drowned some shots of god knows what with Renjun. He woke up the next day in Chenle’s bed (Chenle lived a lot closer to Hyunjin than Jeno and apparently he had been so drunk that Chenle and Donghyuk basically had to carry him most of the way) with a headache so bad that he threw up twice before he finally felt like being capable to go home on his own. 

Jaemin told them he slept with Hyunjin right before one of their english tests. Jeno remembers that he had been late on this particular day, his hair an absolute mess and his lips swollen (he didn’t have to tell them he spent the morning with Hyunjin too, but he did anyways). Renjun snorted and threatened to purposely step on Jaemin‘s succulent collection if he ever told him about his dirty experiences with Hyunjin again, Chenle gave him a high five and Donghyuk proceeded to lecture him about proper contraception („I‘m not ready to be an uncle yet!“). Jeno didn’t really care, too busy trying his best to study vocabularies last minute (he totally failed the test despite his efforts). 

For a while it seemed that everything went perfectly fine for Jaemin. After all he slept with the most popular guy at school, how Chenle pointed out at every occasion he got. 

One night at the windowsill though, Jaemin confessed to Jeno that he wanted more than just sex with Hyunjin. However, Hyunjin didn’t want to have a relationship, at least not with Jaemin (Jeno thinks that Hyunjin got himself a girlfriend just a year after graduation and that they even got engaged, but he can’t tell for sure). Jeno advised him to break things off with Hyunjin and so he did. 

That didn’t last very long though because at the next book club meeting Hyunjin brought him flowers and that was all it took for Jaemin to crawl back under Hyunjin‘s blankets. 

The thing was, Jeno could tell how much it hurt Jaemin to be with Hyunjin and it made him angry. Of course it did, Jaemin was his friend that was stupidly in love with a guy that only used him for his own pleasure, always giving him false hope and breaking his heart at least twice a week. 

Jaemin broke things off with Hyunjin more often than Jeno can count, always declaring that „guys, I‘m done with Hwang Hyunjin and it’s over for the best“ before dragging them all to the abandoned parkhouse to open a bottle of tequila ( „Why does it always has to be tequila?“, Renjun would usually groan and Donghyuk would answer „Because tequila tastes like regrets“), celebrating his newly gained freedom. By the end of the night Jaemin would call Jeno while crying on the windowsill because „I just love him so much, Jeno“. 

In the end Hyunjin would always win him back, usually by showing him some kind of romantic gesture (Jeno knows that he once prepared a cute picnic at the river, including at least a hundred fairy lights and a handmade chocolate cake. Hyunjin woke him up at midnight by throwing small stones against his window and drove him to the river on the handlebar of his bike. Jeno knows because Jaemin told him about it one night on the windowsill). 

Jaemin got over Hyunjin by sleeping with Kim Leedo from the year above them. 

Hyunjin tried surprisingly hard to get him back. He bought him roses and after that didn’t work, he tried by inviting him to dinner. Then he wrote him a love letter, played one of those cheesy love songs underneath his window and got drunk on his doorstep, crying the entire night about how he needs him and that he shouldn’t leave him like that.  
„For not being romantically interested in him, he‘s trying really hard“, Renjun remarked one day when Hyunjin slid some pralines over to Jaemin with a note attached saying how sorry he was. Jeno agreed silently and Jaemin gave the pralines to Chenle while throwing Hyunjin‘s note into the trash. 

One night on the windowsill, Jeno drowned tequila with Jaemin, celebrating that Hwang Hyunjin was over forever.  
___  
That was when „the legendary era of bad boy Leedo“ (how Donghyuk still likes to refer to it) began. 

Jeno actually liked Leedo, they all did (except for Renjun, Chenle once proposed the hypothesis that it was because Renjun was scared Leedo could replace him as the „dark, mysterious guy in the group“. Needless to say that Renjun chased Chenle over half of their schoolyard before kicking his ass for this). Leedo wore ripped jeans and leatherjackets, he drove to school with a motorcycle, smoked cigarettes and looked like he could kill you with a look from his bright blue eyes. Despite his intimidating appearance, he was actually a very nice guy. 

Jaemin met him in front of their coffee shop, bumping into him and spilling his drink because he had run late for an emergency meeting of their friend group (Chenle met his „incredibly smoking hot coworker“ for the first time and had what Renjun liked to call a „gay panic“). He bought him a new drink, they exchanged numbers and Jeno remembers that for the first time in forever they didn’t share his chocolate cake because Jaemin spent most of their meeting rambling on about the „even more smokingly hot guy“ he just met and forgetting to actually eat. 

Leedo was never anything more for him than a friend with benefits („fuck buddy“, Donghyuk interjected every time Jaemin called him that), they met somethimes at parties and shared a cigarette before Jaemin would find Jeno to tell him he was leaving with older boy. Most of the time, Jeno never actually saw Leedo, he knew him mostly from Jaemin‘s occasional stories and from the few times he sat with them at lunch.

Jeno thinks that maybe Jaemin kind of wanted to be a little bit like Leedo because that was the time when he bought himself a leather jacket and started wearing jeans with holes so big in them that Chenle once wondered how they were actually holding together („the legendary era of bad boy Leedo“, Donghyuk sighs). He even picked up the smoking but to Jeno’s big relief he quickly dropped it again („This tastes like shit, I hate it“, Jaemin once said to him on the windowsill while pulling a disgusted face at the cigarette in his hand.  
„You do realize that I think you look incredibly cool, no matter if you smoke or not“, Jeno had told him. Jaemin had shot him a small smile and then pressed the cigarette out. Jeno thinks that he never saw him smoke again).

Things with Leedo didn’t work out because Leedo had a friend, Lee Keonhee, who started liking Jaemin. One time at lunch, Leedo came to their table and told him.  
„Hope you don’t mind but I don’t wanna sleep with the guy my friend has some feelings for. Bros before hoes and stuff, no offense“, he said and Jaemin had just shrugged.  
„It’s fine, Leedo“, he told him and took another bite from his avocado burrito.  
„Cool, cool“, Leedo had answered and briefly hesitated. „I could give you his number if you want“, he had offered then.  
„Nah, I‘m good, thanks“, Jaemin had answered and with that, things with Leedo had been over as well. 

That night on the windowsill, they had laughed while verbally buring the leather jacket.  
___  
Jaemin got his first boyfriend in their last year of highschool. 

Their last year became kinda the year they all got themselves a boyfriend/ girlfriend (except for Renjun because „I don’t need that shit, Hyuck“).

Chenle one day showed up to their lunch table holding the hand of Lee Felix, a cute exchange student from Australia (Renjun shot Jaemin a glance, muttering something along the lines of „we all know how it ends with exchange students…“) with freckles decorating his skin and the tiniest hands Jeno ever saw. They were a sweet but also a very chaotic couple and when Felix returned to Australia, Chenle cried for two weeks straight and ate three batches of vanilla cookies by himself. 

Donghyuk hooked up with a nice foreign girl at one of Woojins famous parties. She couldn’t really speak their language and assumed that Donghyuk was her boyfriend now and the language barrier made it hard for him to break up with her („guys help, I don’t know how I should tell her that I don’t want to be her boyfriend!“ They had all just laughed at Donghyuk‘s misery, especially Renjun who told him that „that’s what you get for being such a manhoe all the time“). They stayed together for almost two month („best two month of my life“, Renjun once confessed). Eventually, Donghyuk managed to break up with her (after she tried to literally move in with him), she cried a lot and then cursed him in every language she knew. 

Jeno dated Seo Yuki from one year beneath them for a few weeks. She was a nice girl, clever, funny and most importantly not afraid of doing the first step and asking Jeno out. And so Jeno held her hand, paid for her ice cream and kissed her on the doorstep after walking her home. It was nice, just how Yuki was a nice girl but Jeno never felt those butterflies in his stomach. He supposes Yuki wasn’t that special after all. It didn’t work out for them, mostly because Yuki would become utterly jealous at Jaemin and told Jeno to choose between her and his best friend. Obviously Jeno chose Jaemin which led to Yuki dumping a drink over his head, yelling at him to „go and get happy with him then!“. 

For Jaemin, it was Park Jimin from Renjun‘s art class, who had the cutest smile and the sweetest voice and the prettiest face Jeno ever laid his eyes on (Jeno was a straight man but he could appreciate a beautiful face like Jimin had). 

He sat with them at lunch once and flirted the entire time with Jaemin, it came to no surprise when he asked him out at the end of the break.

Jaemin said yes, of course he did, because Jimin had to be the softest human being that ever lived, with „looks that makes me want to thank god personally for creating something that beautiful“.

And so Jimin took Jaemin on a date to the movies, watching one of those horrible romances with him that made both of them cry („don’t tell Jimin I told you that, officially I was the only one that cried“, Jaemin said to him one night at the windowsill) and then on a second date to one of those cat cafes that they could never visit because of Jeno’s cat allergy (they tried once, because Jaemin absolutely loves cats and cats love him but it ended with Jeno getting an anaphylactic shock, Chenle stabbing him rapidly with his epipen, a ride to the hospital and a crying Renjun) and then to a third date to the ice rink where Jimin held Jaemin’s hand to make sure he wouldn’t fall.  
On the fourth date, they kissed (Jimin took Jaemin to see the sunset over the city and then to the planetarium but that didn’t matter to Jaemin because „Jeno, his lips are so soft, I‘m going to die“). 

Jimin was by any means the perfect boyfriend (they all agreed to that, even Felix who had still been with Chenle at that time) and still, Jeno thought that something was off. He would bring Jaemin flowers and small treats, he would fold small notes into tiny origami figures, he would take him out on romantic dates and let him sit on his legs during lunch and Jeno would squint at him, trying to figure out why he had this weird feeling in his gut. He would hold Jaemin’s hand and kiss him on the cheek randomly and smile at him adoringly and Jeno would think that Jimin couldn’t possibly mean it. He would have dinner with Jaemin’s parents (they loved him, of course they did) and pick him up from his classes to carry his books for him and Jeno would huff, because really, why did Jimin have to try so hard? He would start drawing him during break and then finish his drawing in class because he could recall Jaemin’s features perfectly without looking at him and Jeno would wonder how Jimin could be real. Jimin was the perfect boyfriend, Jaemin never forgot to remind them of that and everyone agreed, except for Jeno. 

(„Why don’t you like Jimin?“, Renjun had asked him one time during chemistry class and Jeno could feel his face heat up in embarrassment because yeah, why didn’t he like Jimin?  
„What are you talking about?“, he had asked, hoping to be able to fool his friend.  
„Nice try, Jen, but I‘m not stupid. Spill, why don’t you like him? Is it because you’re in love with Jaemin?“, Renjun had asked and Jeno had almost dropped his test tube into the bunsen burner. 

„Me? Oh god, Renjun, no! Of course not, why would you even think that? I‘m not gay and even if I were, I would never fall for Jaemin!“)

Since Jimin was the perfect boyfriend it was only logical that Jaemin had the perfect relationship. He was happy and Jeno liked seeing him happy and therefore he tried to like Jimin. Jaemin looked at Jimin like he was the center of the universe and they were almost disgustingly cute together. 

One night on the windowsill though, he confessed to Jeno that there was something missing in their relationship.  
„It’s embarrassing though“, he had warned him and Jeno had laughed.  
(„More embarrassing than this one time you were too busy lusting after Hwang Hyunjin and Renjun accidentally threw that ball in your face?“, he had asked and Jaemin had hid his face in his hands.  
„You promised to never talk about that again!“).  
„Spill it“, he had told Jaemin.  
„See, Jimin always does these cute things for me like today when he gave me his cookie that came with his coffee because he knows how much I love them. He holds my hands and he kisses me sweetly but Jeno, have you ever walked in on us grossly making out?“, he had asked him.  
„Thank god I didn’t, I‘m still trying to forget what I saw when I caught Felix and Chenle in this empty classroom“, Jeno had answered.  
„Okay first of all; eww, disgusting. Secondly you never walked in on us making out because we don't“, he had admitted.  
„What do you mean, you don’t? Haven’t you been together for like, almost a year?“, Jeno had asked, taken aback.  
„It’s nine months on friday and I mean we just don’t. At first it was really nice, because I thought Jimin just didn’t want to make it seem like he just wants me for the one thing. But I’m slowly starting to wonder why he still hasn’t made a move on me, I‘ve been dropping hints for forever“, he had explained.  
Jeno hadn’t said anything, just hummed.  
„Maybe he‘s just not into sex, you know?“ and upon that Jeno had snorted.  
„A horny teenager with a beautiful boy like you as his boyfriend? I don’t think so“, he had told him.  
Jaemin had blushed at his words and for a while nobody had said anything.  
„I would still love him, even if he wasn’t into sex“, he had finally said. 

Jaemin would confront Jimin with his refusal for anything remotely sexual three months later after trying to seduce him more than once with sexy lingerie (Donghyuk‘s idea), a strip tease (Chenle’s idea) and nudes (Renjun‘s idea). At some point they both started crying, first Jaemin because he thought he wasn’t good enough for Jimin and then Jimin because he didn’t want Jaemin to think that. After some more crying, Jimin finally told him his reasons. 

It turned out that Jimin actually wasn’t into Jaemin. The fact that he wasn’t into men at all didn’t help a bit and that night Jaemin cried into Jeno‘s shoulder once again. Secretly Jeno had been grateful things turned out that way, not because he liked to see Jaemin heartbroken but because he finally knew what bothered him about Jimin („See Renjun, I told you I‘m not in love with Jaemin!“) 

Jimin left Jaemin for a girl from the book club and as far as Jeno knows the two of them got married last may.  
___  
Things changed after they all graduated, of course they did. Jeno, Jaemin, Donghyuk, Chenle and Renjun moved in with Jisung and Mark to finally start living their own life. 

A lot of things changed but one thing remained the same. It’s still the five of them. Renjun, Chenle, Donghyuk, Jaemin and him, they’re still best friends after all those years.

Sometimes they still have sleepovers, despite living together. Jaemin bakes a huge batch of vanilla cookies that they share with Mark and Jisung (because that’s one of the things that changed). Renjun still falls asleep first but now it’s usually in Mark's beanbag, Donghyuk and Chenle still pass out huddled together on the couch without stains on the cushions but now Jisung joins them, sometimes on the couch, sometimes on the floor but always close to each other. Mark is the only one who makes it into bed at some point (except that one time he fell asleep on the bathroom carpet and almost gave Renjun a heart attack in the morning). 

And at the end of the night it’s still Jeno and Jaemin on the windowsill, sharing a blanket and talking.


	2. Chapter 2

After all this time, it’s still the two of them: Jeno and Jaemin on the windowsill. It’s where they share their secrets, it’s where they share their memories and it’s where they share their worries. 

Not quite yet though, because right now they are all gathering around the batch of vanilla cookies that are fresh out of the oven (Renjun already burned his mouth twice on the hot cookies). 

„Hey guys, I won’t be here for dinner tomorrow, because I will let you know that I have a date“, Jaemin proudly explains while drinking soy milk directly out of the container („gross“ Renjun comments). 

Jaemin goes on dates occasionally, of course he does, after all he’s a beautiful boy that truly has it all: the looks, the humor and the intellect. He never got over the „three dates mark“ with any of the guys that came after Jimin though, so Jeno isn’t expecting too much from his upcoming date either. 

„Is he hot?“, is the first thing Chenle asks, his mouth full of cookies and crumbling over their kitchen floor which has Mark shooting him annoyed looks („Chenle can you at least try to eat like a human being?“) because they all know he’s going to be the one who cleans it. 

„Does it matter? Jaemin is going to find something that bothers him about him anyways and then he’s going to break his heart“, Donghyuk dramatically claims and it gets him a forehead flick by first Jaemin, then Mark. 

„Don’t be so mean, Hyuk. I‘m sure Jaemin isn’t doing that on purpose“, the eldest scolds. 

„Thank you Mark, you’re a very decent person“, he says („uhm, thanks?“) and then turns around to face Chenle. „In fact, Wong Yukhei is very hot, Chenle, thank you for asking“, Jaemin pats Chenle’s head like a puppy that just followed his request of not peeing on the carpet and Chenle coos (because „Jaemin, you give the best head rubs!“). 

„Wong Yukhei? That sounds a bit foreign“, Renjun‘s words are muffled because he’s trying to cool his lips with a cold cloth while simultaneously stuffing his face with cookies.

„He’s chinese but lives here now“, Jaemin explains while shooting Jeno a meaningful look. 

„Sounds like a great guy“, Chenle agrees (because he’s chinese as well and he and Renjun high five). 

„That’s because he is great“, Jaemin claims. „He’s the captain of the basketball team, a sports science major and played three rounds of beer pong with me at the last party. We won, by the way“, he adds while putting the second batch into the oven. 

„Besides being chinese it sounds like he's fulfilling the list of requirements“, Jeno shrugs. 

„List of requirements?“, Mark asks and it’s obvious that he’s confused. 

One night on the windowsill, Jeno and Jaemin made a list with criterias for a possible boyfriend. It’s written with a black sharpie on the back of an empty pocky box and it’s rather short:

1\. Not an exchange student   
2\. Not Hwang Hyunjin  
3\. Not straight 

„You don’t really have high expectations, do you?“, Mark asks after reading the list. 

„I‘ve been friends with those idiots for the majority of my life, does it look to you like I have high standards for the people surrounding me?“, they all know he doesn’t mean it but Donghyuk throws in an offended „hey“ anyways. 

„Looks like Yukhei is fulfilling all of your criterias. I mean technically he’s from China but he’s officially living here now, he’s certainly not straight and he’s not Hwang Hyunjin, whoever that is“, Jisung shrugs and Jaemin sends Jeno, Chenle, Renjun and Donghyuk glares that no, we won’t go there, not today (and Jeno is glad he did, because he’s not ready to relive the entire Hwang Hyunjin story again). 

„We’ll be rooting for you!“, Chenle excitedly exclaims. 

„I‘ll be rooting for Yukhei“, Renjun grumbles, silent enough to avoid a forehead flick by Jaemin but loud enough for Chenle to hear. 

„Don’t sleep with him right away“, Donghyuk warns and Mark makes an offended noise, covering Jisung‘s ears because „not in front of the baby, Hyuk!“. 

___  
„Why do you go out with Yukhei?“, Jeno asks when everyone else is asleep and he’s sitting on the windowsill with Jaemin. 

„Because you never asked me, Jeno“, he jokes (but there’s a strange undertone to it and Jeno almost chokes on his cacao). 

„Very funny“, he says after regaining his ability to breath while shooting him an accusing gaze. „I’m serious though, why him? What makes him so special?“, he asks. It’s not that Jeno is bothered by Jaemin going on a date with this Yukhei guy, it’s just that he’s worried after the Jimin- incident. Jeno just doesn‘t want him to sob into his shoulder on the windowsill again. 

„He’s a good guy“, Jaemin shrugs. „Athletic, funny, energetic- he is so nice to me, Jeno, and I think he could be the one“, he takes the empty cup from Jeno’s hands and places it next to his on the small side table. 

Jeno knows exactly how Jaemin falls in love, he has seen it plenty of times. The weird thing is, even after getting hurt several times, Jaemin still believes that „the one“ could be out there for him. Jeno thinks that it’s amazing how much Jaemin believes in love, he is like one of those robots that get kicked and always stand up again. Because Jaemin is this kind of person who desperately wants to love, he craves it like he craves the air to breath (or like he craves those sinful vanilla cookies he bakes). And in Jeno’s eyes, Jaemin always deserves somebody better. 

„You were never into the captain of a sports team“, Jeno raises an eyebrow at him. 

„What do you mean?“, Jaemin asks, confused. 

„He just doesn’t sound like your type I guess“, Jeno pulls the blanket closer (Jaemin once told him that he’s always hogging the blanket like a dragon his treasure, even in his sleep). 

Jaemin snorts. „And what exactly is my type?“

„I don’t know, you’re into cute and elegant guys, like for example-“, he hesitates. Jeno doesn‘t really want to go there now, he promised Jaemin to never bring it up again and maybe he should just let it drop. 

„Like who?“

„I don’t know. Like Renjun maybe“, he mutters because he knows that Jaemin wouldn’t let him drop it either way. 

„Jeno! I told you that was literally one time!“, he shrieks and for a brief moment Jeno is scared he’s going to wake up Donghyuk but the latter just stirs a bit before cuddling closer to Chenle who is sandwiched in between Jisung and Donghyuk. 

Yeah, Jeno remembers that. It had been at the park after their graduation party, Jaemin wore his midnight blue suit again (it had grown very tight but according to Renjun in „just the right places“ and who was Jeno to disagree with their friend) and they had all decided to get drunk. Renjun had been giggling the entire time, laying in the grass and for once didn’t threaten to kill Donghyuk who had been cuddling him, sleepy but content. Jeno is sure that his cheeks had been red from all the alcohol and Jaemin and Chenle had been dancing together on one of the benches, shouting and singing along to the songs they had been playing on Donghyuk‘s smartphone. 

At some point- and Jeno still isn’t sure how or when- Renjun and Jaemin kissed („it had been an accident, Jeno, we were both trying to kiss each other’s cheek“), then they had kissed some more („yeah, that wasn’t so much of an accident“) and in the end they disappeared, somewhere in between carrying Donghyuk home and Chenle throwing up into a trash can.   
Jaemin had told him a week later on the windowsill that they almost slept with each other that night but before „anything serious“ could have happened, Renjun passed out in the bathroom („Can you believe that, Jeno? He missed out on that ass!“, Jaemin had called out, while grabbing his own ass and Jeno had rolled his eyes at him). 

Jeno is glad they didn’t sleep with each other, it would have been super awkward if they did. 

„Besides that“, Jaemin’s legs brush against Jeno’s thigh when he sits up a bit, „Renjun isn’t cute“. 

They both know that that’s a lie, Renjun is in fact very cute but neither of them is going to say it out loud (not when Renjun is in the same room as them, even if he’s still sleeping peacefully on the beanbag. Jeno glances at him briefly and god, Renjun is cute when he’s not threatening to „rip your ass open if you mess up the laundry, Jeno“). 

„Okay but what about Yangyang? Hyunjin? Jimin?“, he argues. Jeno knows that Jaemin always falls in love with people who give him the impression, that they can love him. In the end, they never can and Jaemin is going to sit on the windowsill with Jeno again, crying because the world is too cruel for someone as fragile as Jaemin. 

„Gosh, Yangyang was just a stupid crush, don’t open the Hyunjin box now and Jimin was literally straight and I don’t want to talk about it. Also, what about Leedo? He wasn’t cute or elegant or anything like that at all“, Jaemin insists while tugging on the blanket. They’ve grown a bit big for it (well, mostly Jeno grew but he‘s not gonna get started on that), just like they have to squeeze themselves on the windowsill now. 

„Leedo doesn‘t count, he was just your fuck buddy“, Jeno interferes. 

„Friends with benefits!“

„Whatever“, Jeno rolls his eyes. 

___  
Wong Yukhei is the first guy after Jimin who makes it past the magical „three dates mark“. 

„Please don’t embarrass me today“, Jaemin says before he introduces Yukhei to them. „This is important to me, so no stories about how I turned a gay guy straight“, he points at Donghyuk, „no death threads“, he points at Renjun, „no behaving like my father“, he points at Jeno.

They’re all sitting at their kitchen table, cutting vegetables for a salad because „Yukhei actually eats healthy since he’s playing basketball“. 

„I never behave like your father“, Jeno snorts at the ridiculous comparison of himself to Jaemin’s father (he’s a nice guy but is a very scared man that read too many conspiracy theories, which also makes him overprotective of Jaemin who is his only child). 

„What about the story about Hwang Hyun-“

„Don’t, Hyuk! Don‘t say his name and please don‘t talk about any of my exlovers in front of Yukhei“, Jaemin interrupts Donghyuk. 

Donghyuk is about to speak up again (probably to roll up the „legendary era of bad boy Leedo“ and Jaemin’s leather jacket) but at that very moment the doorbell rings. 

„That’s him!“, Jaemin calls out excitedly and jumps up. „Remember: be nice!“, he warns them once more and then quickly shuffles towards the door. 

„I’m always nice“, Rejun grumbles and proceeds to cut aggressively cucumbers. 

„I never behave like Jaemin’s father!“, Jeno turns over to Renjun in order to find confirmation of his words but Renjun avoids his gaze and Jeno can’t believe his friend‘s betrayal. 

„I hate this“, Donghyuk complains. „If only I went with Chenle and Jisung to the library, then I wouldn’t have to suffer the entire evening listening to some boring kind of- oh shit!“

Jeno turns around and indeed, oh shit. 

Wong Yukhei is tall and handsome. He's clearly working out on a regular basis (Jeno can tell by his arms), he has the face of a god and a smile that lights up the entire room. Jeno thinks it’s unfair that people as beautiful as Wong Yukhei exist and there has to be a major flaw that is hidden underneath this modellike appearance. Maybe his voice is super annoying or maybe he has a small dick or a shitty personality but there has to be something, anything wrong with Wong Yukhei. 

„Guys, this is Yukhei“, Jaemin beams while holding the other‘s large hand. „Yukhei , these are my friends: Jeno, Renjun and Donghyuk“

„Hey guys“, Yukhei waves with his free hand and nope, his voice sounds amazing too, it’s deep (Jeno didn’t expect his voice to be so deep) and reminds him of honey. 

„Fuck me“, whispers Donghyuk right next to him and really, now he’s exaggerating. Yeah, Yukhei is attractive, Jeno is going to admit that but he’s not that great, no big deal. 

„Hey, mind helping me out with the cucumbers?“, Renjun asks, pointing his knife towards Yukhei before remembering Jaemins words („no death threats!“) and deciding to lower his weapon. 

„Sure“, Yukhei says, shooting Renjun a bright smile. 

„Great“, Renjun shoves the cutting board, the knife and the cucumbers into Yukhei’s hand (god, his hands are ridiculously large) and rushes out of the room. 

Yukhei’s beautiful mouth falls open into a surprised O shape. 

„Renjun always needs some time with new people“, Jaemin quickly explains even though his eyes definitely say ‚I‘m going to boil him alive like Chenle accidentally boiled that frog in sixth grade‘. 

„I don’t mind“, Yukhei shrugs and then starts smiling again. „He’s a funny one!“

Jeno thinks that Renjun is as funny a penguin funeral and that Yukhei should go fuck himself with his hypocritical behavior. 

Be nice!, he hears Jaemin say and god dammit, if Yukhei can act all unbothered by Renjun’s behavior, Jeno can at least try not to be an asshole. This is important for Jaemin, he reminds himself. 

„Take a seat, Yukhei“, he says and scoots over with his cutting board, offering the two free chairs to Yukhei and Jaemin. 

„Thanks man“, Yukhei sends him a warm smile and Jeno wants to gag. He doesn’t, because first of all, Jeno has great control over his gag reflex and second of all Jaemin mouths a silent ‚thank you‘ behind Yukhei’s back that reminds Jeno that he’s doing this for Jaemin and not for Yukhei. 

„Well Yukhei, how comes that such a handsome guy like you ends up with someone like our Jaemin?“, Donghyuk asks, trying to appear casual while peeling the carrots (he fails, because he’s so busy ogling Yukhei that he forgets to peel in more than one spot, so the carrot in his hand simply becomes smaller and smaller). 

„Our Jaemin, who of course is equally handsome and very precious to us“, Jeno adds, shooting Yukhei a quick warning glance. Yes, Yukhei may be twice the size of Jeno but if he decides to hurt Jaemin, then Jeno is not afraid to fight him.

„Oh Jaemin is awesome“, Yukhei praises and Jaemin blushes. „We met at this frat party and Jaemin was absolutely killing it on the dance floor. I couldn’t believe he actually said yes when I asked him out. The most beautiful boy in the world and I get to be with him!“

„What can I say? You’re a lucky man, Yukhei“, Jaemin leans forward to press a kiss on Yukhei’s nose. 

„Very lucky“, Jeno mumbles under his breath. Yukhei better appreciates Jaemin, or else he’s going to get into some real troubles with Jeno. 

„I bet Jaemin is a lucky man too“, Donghyuk says while raising his eyebrows suggestively. 

„Hand me the carrots over, Hyuk“, Jeno sighs because Donghyuk is more or less about to peel his own hand and he won’t be able to deal with both: Yukhei and Donghyuk’s dramatic ass if he actually cuts himself. 

Donghyuk wordlessly pushes the carrots towards Jeno and then him, Yukhei and Jaemin start a conversation about basketball that Jeno doesn’t join because nor does he care about basketball and even less about Yukhei.  
Besides that, there has to be someone taking care of the salad anyways.   
___  
Yukhei is a great guy. He jokes around with Jaemin and supports all of his stupid ideas (like this one time when Jaemin decided he wanted to become a master baker and tried baking some bread with Yukhei in their kitchen. Mark found them a few hours later, covered in flour and with the smoke detector screeching loudly, because they forgot to take out the loaf, too busy sucking each other's faces. Renjun threatened to beat them up with the stone hard piece of burned bread later because „you could have killed all of us!“). And really, Wong Yukhei is a literal angel, so why doesn‘t Jeno like him? This time it can’t be because Yukhei is straight (it’s going great in their bedroom, Jaemin has told him on the windowsill with a smug grin that made Jeno gag). 

And Yukhei is kind, he loves not only Jaemin but also his friends. It turns out that he’s the same age as Mark, they share similar interests and the two of them become friends very quickly, Mark always laughing out loud at Yukhei’s jokes. Soon enough, Yukhei starts hanging out at their dorm, sometimes Jaemin brings him along, sometimes Mark. 

Jeno hates it. He hates Yukhei’s loud laugh and his beautiful face and his kind eyes. Jeno hates himself for hating Yukhei, because why can’t he be like the others and enjoy Yukhei’s company? 

He starts avoiding Yukhei and therefore Jaemin too. 

(„Hey Jeno, are you leaving already?“, Jeno had been about to slip through the door, fleeing to the gym to avoid meeting Jaemin and his boyfriend but Chenle had stopped him earlier to chew his ears off about some kind of hot guy he saw at the dance studio. Now he’s late and of course he had to run into Jaemin and Yukhei’s arms. 

„Yeah, I should have been at the gym five minutes ago“, he says, squeezing himself past the door and Yukhei’s tall frame while avoiding to look at the couple. 

„Hey Jen!“, Jaemin calls out for him when he’s already halfway down the first set of stairs.   
He turns around, looking expectantly at him. 

„We’re cool, aren‘t we? You’re not mad at me, right?“, he asks while biting his lips nervously and Jeno feels bad because for Jaemin it must seem like he’s avoiding him and not Yukhei. 

„I‘m not mad, I just have a lot going on at the moment“, he claims and it’s not even entirely a lie.)

It’s a shame, really, because Jaemin is arguably Jeno’s best friend and he feels bad for abandoning him like that. 

___  
Renjun tries to talk to him about it once because of course he noticed Jeno’s behavior. 

„Yukhei is a nice guy, isn’t he?“, Renjun is sitting on the bench press, not really working out (Jeno has a feeling he only tagged along with him to get one of these free chocolate protein shakes that Renjun got addicted to about two weeks ago). His tone has something lingering about it, like Jeno is Renjun‘s prey (he probably is). 

„Sure“, Jeno says, trying his best to appear casual while running on the treadmill. 

„Really? Didn’t think you could tell since you’re never around when he’s coming over“, Renjun raises his eyebrow at Jeno.

„Yeah, well, I‘m pretty busy at the moment, so I don’t have a lot of free time“, Jeno tries again. It’s in moments like these that he wishes he would have just gone for a run in the park where he could escape Renjun’s dumb question easily. 

„Excuse me, are you finished with that?“, a girl asks Renjun, pointing at the bench press. 

„Sure…“, Renjun mutters and gets up. 

For a brief moment Jeno allows himself to hope that Renjun is going to drop the topic but then his friend speaks up again. 

„Funny how you had enough time last week to spend your entire afternoon with Jisung, gluing noodles together and ruining our floor with the glue gun in the process but didn’t have the time to eat dinner with Yukhei and Jaemin yesterday“, Renjun sasses and begins to search in Jeno’s bag for a protein bar. 

„I had an appointment“, Jeno raises the speed on the treadmill. He supposes his body has one of the typical fight or flight responses towards Renjun’s questions and it seems like it chose flight. 

„Yeah of course you did“, Renjun snorts and empties the contents of Jeno’s bag on the floor. „Did you realize that Jaemin cooked your favorite?“

„Really?“, Jeno asks and now he feels kind of guilty. 

„You don’t like Yukhei“, Renjun states and Jeno can’t even deny it. 

„I don’t know why, Yukhei is such a kind person and Jaemin is so happy with him, I don’t understand why I don’t like him“, Jeno raises the speed once more. He’s breathing heavily right now but the burn in his lungs helps him to focus on something that’s not Yukhei. 

„It’s crazy, Jen, feels like back then with Jimin, doesn’t it? Where do you have your protein bars? I‘m hungry“, Renjun throws his stuff carelessly back into his bag. 

„Inside pocket“, Jeno gasps before going back to focus on his running. 

„Ha!“, Renjun happily pulls out a protein bar. „Anyways, do you still remember the time Jaemin dated Jimin?“, he rips Jeno’s protein bar open. 

Of course Jeno still remembers this time. More importantly though he remembers how Jaemin had been clinging onto his shirt while crying his eyes out over Jimin, who decided after a year of dating Jaemin that he wasn’t into him at all. Jeno gets angry when he thinks about how much Jimin has hurt Jaemin, who had loved Jimin, who told Jeno one night on the windowsill that he was already planning a life with Jimin, who never did anything to deserve getting heart broken by someone like Park fucking Jimin. 

„Yeah“, Jeno says through gritted teeth and speeds up some more. „Good times“.

„Maybe you don’t like Yukhei for the same reason you never liked Jimin“, Renjun proposes while munching happily on his protein bar. 

„Yukhei is gay“, Jeno argues. Gay, just like Jaemin. Not straight like Jimin had been. 

„Oh, you‘re still doing this thing where you deny being totally gay and in love with Jaemin?“

„I- what?!“, Jeno asks or wants to ask but he stumbles over his own feet and oh no, the treadmill is going way too fast. Jeno gets thrown backwards with so much speed that he doesn’t even get the chance to ease his fall before slamming face first into the floor. 

„Oh god, are you okay?“, the girl from the bench press calls out, crunching down next to Jeno. 

„He’s fine“, Renjun answers for him but Jeno feels very much not fine and more like he just got run over by a bus. 

„Ow“, he says and it’s a bit of a late reaction, „that hurt“. Jeno carefully reaches up to inspect his face and- shit is that blood?

„Do you want me to call an ambulance or something?“, the girl shoots him a sympathetic look. 

„I’m good, thanks“, Jeno waves off even though he’s definitely not good, he can feel blood running down his face and prays to god that his nose isn’t broken. 

The girl shrugs and gives him a small smile before grabbing her stuff and leaving. 

„There was really no need to do something that dramatic, I hope you know that“, Renjun hands him a handkerchief. 

„I didn’t do that on purpose, asshole! Now help me up, I‘m done here“. 

Renjun is still slurping loudly on his free chocolate protein shake when they arrive at the dorm. 

„Hey losers“, Renjun calls out as soon as Jeno has opened the door and flops down next to Jaemin on the couch (and of course Jaemin has to be present when Jeno comes home looking like he got into a fistfight he horribly lost). 

„Oh my god Jeno, what happened to you?“, Jaemin rushes towards Jeno before he can even untie his shoes. He can kind of understand his reaction, his nose is still bleeding a bit and when he checked his face in one of the mirrors at the gym he could see the beginning of not one but two black eyes forming. 

„Did you corner Renjun again in an attempt to tickle him? I thought you realized this was a bad idea the first time you tried“, Donghyuk comments while trying to beat Jisung at Mario Kart. 

„I fell from the treadmill and I don’t want to talk about it, so save it, Hyuk“, Jeno tiredly says. His face hurts and he wants to lay down to pity himself. 

„Jesus, how fast did you run?“, Jaemin carefully tilts Jeno’s face to see the entire extent of the damage. 

Not fast enough to escape Renjun‘s stupid ideas, Jeno thinks. 

„Let’s get you something to cool your face with, yeah?“, Jeno doesn’t get to answer because Jaemin just pulls him into their small kitchen. With a quick „sit down!“, Jaemin pushes Jeno onto the windowsill before searching for some cooling pad (Jeno already knows that he’s going to be unsuccessful with his search since they got rid of them after Chenle once tried to eat one „out of boredom“ and because „they have such an interesting texture“). In the end, Jaemin pulls out a pack of frozen peas and carefully places it on Jeno’s face. 

„Thanks“, Jeno’s voice is muffled by the pack of peas in his face but the cold vegetables feel good against his throbbing (and by now probably swollen) skin. 

„How could you fall from the treadmill?“, Jaemin chuckles but there’s a worried undertone to his words. „Did you see a cute girl?“, he jokes. 

Jeno’s face suddenly burns but it’s not because of his injuries. He can’t tell Jaemin what Renjun proposed, he just can’t, it’s ridiculous. 

„Yeah“, he sighs. „A cute girl“.   
___

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like this chapter is a bit dry and short but I wanted to post today so I hope you enjoyed it nonetheless. Feedback is as always appreciated, stay healthy and have a nice day!  
> ~Sapirsilber


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> „Jeno has a crush!“, Jaemin calls out. 
> 
> „Does he now, huh?“, Renjun disinterestedly flops himself face first onto the couch. 
> 
> „You guys need to help me find out who it is!“, Jaemin excitedly exclaims and offers the rest of his ice cream to Donghyuk. 
> 
> „I hate both of you so much, I hope you know that“, Renjun mumbles into the cushion.

The thing is, Renjun is wrong. Jeno isn‘t gay, he’s a straight man walking around, admiring women and lusting after breasts and pussy and all that. And even if he was gay, he’s not in love with Jaemin! 

Sure, Jaemin is a beautiful man. He has this cute smile and those pretty eyes (and a nice ass, not that Jeno would purposely pay attention to it but he’s been friends with Jaemin for a long time and they live together, so of course Jeno saw Jaemin’s ass once. Or maybe twice, whatever, it doesn’t matter). 

And Jaemin does this thing with his eyebrows that makes Jeno’s heart flutter and he has that smirk! But this is just Jaemin’s thing, he likes to flirt and he makes everyone flustered, he’s the impersonation of the confident gay meme. 

So in conclusion, Jaemin is nice but Jeno is a guy that likes women. If Jaemin was a woman, he would definitely shoot his shot but Jaemin isn’t and Jeno is not gay!

Has he ever watched gay porn? Of course he has, he’s a curious teenager but that doesn’t count, he has also seen plenty of lesbian porn and that doesn’t make him a lesbian. 

But has he ever felt some kind of attraction towards guys? No, definitely not, Jeno was never turned on in the changing room or in the shower, he‘s a straight man, he played soccer almost his entire life, he’s into cars and he never wears makeup. Not gay, Jeno is not gay!

He had a girlfriend once, and fine, maybe she wasn’t his girlfriend but he went on dates with her, okay? That’s not gay, that’s in fact very straight, just like Jeno, Jeno is straight and not in love with Jaemin. 

Jeno doesn‘t get butterflies in his stomach whenever he’s around Jaemin, well, sometimes he does get excited to see him but that’s because Jaemin is his friend. He likes to see his friends and he likes spending time with Jaemin that’s normal and not gay. 

It’s not like he treats his other friends differently, right? He buys coffee for all of his friends (fine, most of the time he does it for Jaemin but that’s because Jaemin basically lives off caffeine and he always gets so happy when Jeno brings him his coffee. Besides that, he’s doing them all a favor because Jaemin gets grumpy when he doesn’t get enough coffee, so really, he’s not doing this for Jaemin only), he shared a bed with all of them before (and yeah it had been back in the days when they all were a lot younger but Donghyuk always has such a light sleep and Renjun kicks him in his sleep and Chenle is always snoring so loud while Jaemin only fights for the blanket with him. Which is totally fine for Jeno, he doesn’t mind sharing with Jaemin, especially when he can just cuddle Jaemin to stay warm and that’s not gay, it’s not Jeno’s fault that Jaemin is always so warm) and he shows physical affection to all of them (well, not so much towards Renjun, he once kneeled Jeno in the stomach when he tried to hug him because „I thought you tried to strangle me“ and not so much towards Chenle because „I‘m not your child Jeno, get off me!“ but certainly towards Donghyuk even though Donghyuk most of the time hugs him first). 

Fine, Jeno is going to admit that Jaemin might be his favorite, but he blames that on the hours he spent talking to him on the windowsill. It’s not like Jeno thinks Jaemin is the hottest guy on earth anyways, so he can admit that he likes him a bit more than the others.  
If you would ask Jeno, who the hottest guy on earth is, he wouldn’t say Jaemin because in this world Adam Levine exists and Jeno as a straight man is not afraid to say that he might have had a small crush on him (once, a long time ago in fifth grade) and he would still spread his legs for this man (in a not homosexual way of course). But that’s only because Adam Levine is a literal sex god, everyone can see that and with those tattoos and those dark promising eyes-

Okay, maybe Jeno is a little gay, but he’s not in love with Jaemin!

___

„Hey Jaemin?“, Jeno asks, one night on the windowsill. „How did you realize that you’re into guys?“

„Huh?“, Jaemin has this adorable confused look on his face because Jeno just woke him up from an intense daydream (Jeno could tell by the way Jaemin‘s mouth fell a bit open and the unfocused look in his eyes). „You mean when I noticed that I‘m gay?“

„Yeah“, Jeno is glad that the only light is coming from the illuminated city underneath them, otherwise Jaemin surely could see him blush. 

„Why are you suddenly asking? I‘ve been out of the closet for ages“. 

„I dunno. Just some friendly conversation on the windowsill and stuff“, Jeno shrugs and he can feel his face getting even hotter. 

Jaemin huffs and for a while none of them says a word. Jeno has almost forgotten about his question at this point, he just enjoys the cold glass of the window against his face and the soothing presence of Jaemin next to him. 

„You know there was this boy“, Jaemin suddenly speaks up. „The prettiest boy I ever saw and from the moment I first saw him in the hallways of our school I wanted to be close to him. I wanted to be the one who makes him laugh and I wanted to be the one who dries his tears, the one who holds his hand and the one who hugs him the tightest. After a few weeks I thought ˋman, that’s some intense platonic feelings‘ but then I realized that I wanted to be more than just a friend to him because in addition to holding hands and all that stuff I also wanted to kiss him whenever I saw him“.

„Wow, and you told me Yangyang was just a stupid crush of yours“, Jeno is surprised that he wasn’t able to see how much Yangyang meant to Jaemin before. Jaemin is his best friend after all, he should have realized earlier. There’s a weird feeling in his chest (and it’s not jealousy, fuck you, Renjun!) it’s something else even though Jeno can’t quite tell what it is yet. 

„Who says I’m talking about Yangyang?“, Jaemin cheekily raises an eyebrow. 

„You’re not? Who is it then?“, Jeno asks and he might feel relieved right now but this means nothing, he’s just relieved that he had been right about Jaemin‘s feelings towards Yangyang, that’s all. 

„I’m not telling you, it’s a gay secret for gay people only!“, Jaemin says and he sounds very pleased with himself. 

„Fine“, Jeno snorts. „Sounds like a nice guy anyways, your first crush“. 

„Oh, he was more than just a crush. Whenever he was there I couldn’t stop smiling and I had this weird feeling in my stomach. Sometimes I think everyone who came after him was just a stupid crush compared to him“, Jaemin admits. His eyes look like they’re sparkling with the light of a thousand stars when he’s talking about that boy, Jeno realizes. He must have been very important to Jaemin. 

„What happened to him? Did you ever get to tell him what you felt?“, Jeno can’t imagine how deeply Jaemin must have felt for this guy. 

„A thousand times and yet never. He was never romantically interested in me or men in general, so I just buried my hope for a happy ending with him years ago“, Jaemin chuckles but he can’t fool Jeno. There’s a hint of pain in his eyes because that’s just how Jaemin is: he loves the people around him so much that it hurts. 

„He must have been someone very special“, Jeno can‘t bring himself to look at Jaemin right now. Instead he watches the lights of the city beneath them and wonders, if the guy Jaemin is talking about knows how lucky he is that somebody like Na Jaemin chose to love him. He probably doesn’t. 

„He still is, for me at least. Sometimes I still see him. He hasn’t lost a bit of his spark, not even after all these years, he‘s still as perfect as the first day I saw him!“, god, Jaemin still is completely smitten for this dude. 

„Nobody is perfect…“, Jeno mubles against the glass. 

„He is“, Jaemin insists. „For me he is“. 

Jeno doesn‘t say anything upon that. After all, he can’t control Jaemin‘s feelings for some guy, right?

„Doesn’t matter anyways, he’s far out of my reach and I have Yukhei! I‘m happy without him so why should I be sad that I can’t be with him? It’s good just like it is now“, Jaemin smiles at him and this time it‘s sincere. 

Jano can‘t help but smile back at Jaemin. „Don’t forget that you also have me!“, Jeno points out and Jaemin rolls his eyes at him. 

„Yeah, Jeno“, he sighs. „I also have you“.

___

„Hey Jeno, pass me the salt?“, it’s Mark who asks him that question. They’re all sitting at the table, eating the delicious stew Jaemin has whipped up last minute for them. 

Jeno has been staring at Jaemin for the past couple minutes, admiring how elegantly his hair is falling over his forehead and the way his lips are curved (this doesn’t mean anything, Renjun!). It’s beautiful, Jaemin is beautiful, more beautiful than every girl Jeno ever laid his eyes on. Shit, Jeno is so fucking gay. 

Mark's words make him snap back into reality. 

„I’m gay“, he suddenly says, following a weird reflex to share his thoughts with his friends.  
They all stare at him, Donghyuk with his spoon halfway through the way to his mouth that’s comically wide opened. Renjun silently face palms and Mark‘s hand is still stretched out, reaching for the salt. 

„No, you’re not“, Chenle is the first one to recover from the shocking news. Jeno figured he would be the one in denial, but it seems like Chenle just took this position. 

„Yes I am“, he says, sounding a lot more confident than he actually is. 

„Jeno, you‘re as straight as a spaghetti“, Chenle insists („Spaghetto“, Renjun quietly corrects, „A single spaghetti is called a spaghetto“).

„Listen up“, Jeno says, confused that Chenle is trying to correct him regarding his own sexual orientation. „I‘m as gay as a, I don’t know, this curvy mountain road we drove up last summer that was the reason Donghyuk threw up in your lap“. 

„You could have just said `as straight as a cooked spaghetti‘-“ „Spaghetto!“ „- but you decided to make me relive that horrible experience again!“, Donghyuk shrieks while gesticulating wildly with the spoon still in his hand, splashing stew all over the table, „You make me hate you and your gay ass, Jeno!“

„There goes the last straight one in our friend group“, Mark mumbles while picking up his spoon to continue eating. 

„Donghyuk is straight...“

„Shut up, Jisung, Donghyuk would spread his legs for everyone and probably everything too. He’s not straight, he’s just a whore“, Renjun says, his voice muffled by the stew in his mouth.

„Are you sure you’re gay? Maybe it’s just a phase…“, Chenle asks. 

„That’s some brave words coming from someone who can’t even decide if he’s straight or gay himself. I mean you claim to love ass and pussy equally and yet I never saw-“

„Hyuk, not in front of Jisung!“, Mark tries and fails to cover the youngests ears. 

„Yes, I am sure. I like guys, okay? I‘m head over heels for a good ass, totally love dick, I‘m gay“, Jeno rambles. 

„That’s nice, Jeno“, Jaemin says with a bright smile and Jeno thinks he’s going to die from a „gay panic“ if Jaemin ever looks at him like that again. „I totally love dick too!“

„You’re all so picky. I just love sex“, Donghyuk points out, unnecessarily. 

„Stop! Everyone just stop, I still want to eat and I don’t care if you’re gay“, Mark points towards Jeno and Jaemin, „bi“, he points towards Chenle, „ace“, he points towards Renjun, „or whatever are“, he points towards Donghyuk. „I just want to eat dinner in peace, okay? Now pass me the salt, Jeno?“, Mark tries again. 

„Sure“, Jeno grabs the salt and puts it into Mark's waiting hand. 

„Just for the records, I‘m straight“. 

„Shut up Jisung, the last straight person that sat with us at a table was Jimin, believe me“, Renjun says. 

___

Jeno is trying to spend more time with Yukhei and Jaemin. It’s what he promised Jaemin last night on the windowsill when Jaemin cried and asked him what was wrong and why he never wants to spend time with him anymore. Jeno didn’t want to tell him that it’s because of Yukhei so he just made up excuses of „being busy lately“ and „having a lot of stress“. Jaemin of course had the brilliant idea to invite Jeno to his and Yukheis movie night because „it’s going to help you relax, Jeno“ (it’s going to be as relaxing as the one time when Donghyuk thought it would be a great idea to get them a hamster that turned out to be an aggressive rat after it escaped from the provisorical cage. Jeno still has the scars on his hand from when he tried to catch this hell beast). 

Now Jeno is sitting next to Yukhei and Jaemin and regrets all of his life decisions. 

„Whoa, did you see that?“, Yukhei asks for the trillionth time. Jeno is this close to jump up and yell at him that yes, he did see that, that’s the fucking point of watching a movie! You look at the screen, you see things, it’s not that difficult, really. There’s no need to point out every goddamn detail but Yukhei does it anyways. It’s like watching a movie with audio commentary. 

„I did!“, Jaemin calls out in excitement. Of course Jaemin doesn’t bother about Yukheis constant talking, why would he? Jaemin is laying in between Yukheis legs, cuddling with him and sharing a large bowl of popcorn (salted popcorn. What kind of person eats salted popcorn!). 

„Yeah, crazy dude“, Jeno mutters. The film isn’t exactly good either, it’s one of those action movies that don’t really have a proper plot and is utterly predictable.  
Jeno has to remind himself that he’s doing this because of Jaemin. 

Jaemin, who also likes to comment on every scene of a movie but his comments are at least funny (okay, maybe they’re not, but at least they’re not as annoying as Yukhei‘s). Yukhei and Jaemin really are a match made in heaven, they’re both so similar and yet every time Yukhei breathes, Jeno feels like vomiting. 

By now, Jeno has stopped watching the movie. Instead he’s watching Jaemin. 

And shit, Jeno thinks Renjun might have been right after all.  
___

„You should tell me about your mysterious first love“, Jeno says. Him and Jaemin are sitting on the windowsill watching the sun set and eating ice cream. 

„Huh?“, Jaemin asks. 

„You said it’s a secret for gay people only“, Jeno recalls. „Ta-dah! I‘m gay, so spill it“.

„That’s not fair. I said that only because I never thought you would be gay. What I meant was: I‘m not going to tell you, ever. I‘ll take that secret with me in my grave“. 

„But Jaemin!“, Jeno whines. „You can‘t leave me hanging like that, I still have a million questions“. 

„Nope, Jeno. Not happening“, Jaemin keeps licking on his ice cream, unbothered. 

„Oh come on Jaemin. I‘m your best friend, just give me a hint“, he begs. The mystery of Jaemin’s first love is very appealing to Jeno these days. It’s a nice distraction from the fact that, well, Jaemin has a boyfriend. 

„Ugh, fine Jeno, I‘ll answer three of your million questions“, Jaemin gives in. 

„Yay!“, Jeno cheers. „Okay, let me think… I know you met him in school but did he also go to the same class as we did?“

„He did“, Jaemin confirms and Jeno makes a very embarrassing, very unmanly screeching sound. 

„Did you ever talk?“, Jeno asks and thinks about all the boys he can recall that went to the same class as them. 

„Often“, Jaemin smiles, „I would even consider him a friend“.

Well that’s new to Jeno. While Jaemin got along with more or less everyone his group of friends was always rather small and Jeno knows that for Jaemin the word ‚friend‘ means a lot. He must have been quite close to him and chances are that Jeno knows him very well too, so there’s really not a lot of options.  
Jaemin said he still sees him, so someone from school, that used to be their friend and is still around Jaemin. 

What if it’s somebody from their friend group? What if it’s-

„Is it- is it Renjun?“, Jeno asks, taken aback. 

„God Jeno, you’re so fucking stupid“, Jaemin shakes his head in disbelief. „No, of course it’s not Renjun and I kindly ask you to shoot me in the head if I ever decide to fall in love with this demon“. 

„It’s not Donghyuk either, is it?“, Jeno eyes Jaemin, secretly already questioning his sanity.

„Your three questions are already used but are you serious right now?“, Jaemin looks like he too is questioning Jeno’s sanity. 

„No…“, Jeno is suddenly very investigated in eating his ice cream. 

„My turn with the questions; how did you realize that you’re gay? I bet it was a guy as well“, Jaemin teases. 

„Shut up“, Jeno can feel how his face heats up. 

„Ha! I knew it! Is he cute?“, oh lord, why is Jaemin so invested into Jeno’s crush?

„I won't tell you anything, Jaemin“, Jeno says. 

„I‘ll make you a deal: If you tell me your name, then I‘ll tell you mine“, Jaemin offers and leans forward, searching for Jeno’s gaze. 

„Never!“, Jeno is quick to call out. Never in a thousand years is he going to tell Jaemin, not even if he points a gun against his head. 

„Hey what’s up beautiful people- is that ice cream?“, Donghyuk is quick to snatch the cone out of Jeno’s hand. 

„I was going to eat that“, Jeno complains. „Get your own, loser!“

„Jeno has a crush!“, Jaemin calls out. 

„Does he now, huh?“, Renjun disinterestedly flops himself face first onto the couch. 

„You guys need to help me find out who it is!“, Jaemin excitedly exclaims and offers the rest of his ice cream to Donghyuk. 

„I hate both of you so much, I hope you know that“, Renjun mumbles into the cushion.  
___

„I think I‘m in love with Jaemin“, Jeno blurts out one day when they’re sitting on their usual table in the coffee shop. Jaemin isn‘t with them, he’s in the library for a „study date“ (Jeno doesn’t think that his attempts at studying will be very effective). 

Chenle chokes on his chai latte, Donghyuk drops his fork on the floor and Renjun dramatically slaps his book shut. 

„You’re what?!“, Chenle asks breathlessly between two coughs while Donghyuk furiously pats his back, looking equally scandalized as Chenle. 

„He said he thinks that he’s in love with Jaemin“, Renjun helpfully supplies, putting his book away in his bag and giving him one of the rare „Renjun is sympathetic“ looks. 

„I heard what he said, dumbass, I just don’t understand the words that left his mouth!“, Chenle stares at him as if Jeno just told him that he thinks the sun revolves around the earth (like Renjun claimed that one time). 

„Jeno“, Donghyuk points his fork accusingly in his direction, „Please tell me you’re joking“.  
Jeno doesn‘t say anything but he can feel his ears getting red and he’s sure the others can probably hear his rapidly beating heart. It’s weird saying it out loud, it’s like the time everyone knew their english teacher wasn’t pregnant but no one wanted to be the one who tells her she’s just fat (she noticed eventually, after about ten months). 

„Oh my god!“, Chenle calls out and jumps up, sending his chair straight to the floor (Renjun flinches at the loud thud) and earning a disappointed look from the old couple that’s sitting next to them. „You’re being serious!“

„Sit down, Lele“, Renjun pulls Chenle down by the hem of his hoodie while Jeno shrinks in his chair. He doesn’t like to be in the spotlight of attention. 

„Why do you act so unbothered, did you process what Jeno just said?!“

„Sit down! Both of you stop yelling and behave like actual adults for once in your life“, Renjun spits. Surprisingly enough, Chenle compiles, reaching behind himself to pick up his chair and take a seat. 

„Is that a prank?“, Donghyuk asks, searching instinctively for a camera. 

„It’s not“, Jeno says, quietly because he’s scared that somehow Jaemin could hear.

„Okay“, Chenle leans forward, searching for Jeno’s gaze. „So you’re telling us that you fell in love with Jaemin, the boy that we- that you have been friends with for years and that you never made any advances towards, never showed any interest in?“

„I- I mean yeah“, Jeno stutters. 

„The same Jaemin you saw almost every day for years, the same Jaemin you never looked twice at?“

„Well how many Jaemin‘s do we know, Chenle?“, he sasses. 

„And when did you realize that you, Lee Jeno fell in love with Na Jaemin?“, Chenle asks while squinting his eyes, probably still trying to figure out if Jeno is serious (he is, 100%). 

„I don’t know“, he admits (somewhere during late nights on the windowsill, he supposes). 

„Do you realize that we’re talking about the boy who unironically wears pajamas with rubber duckies printed on?“, Donghyuk has the same tone he usually uses to question Mark's sanity.

„I do, Hyuk. I can’t explain why it’s him out of all people, believe me, I‘ve been asking myself the same question“, Jeno says and looks at them in despair. 

„So what do we do?“, Renjun asks. „Jaemin has a boyfriend“. 

„Oh, we should make a plan to get Yukhei and Jaemin to break up with each other so Jeno can be with Jaemin“, Chenle proposes and he looks like a little child that’s about to get some ice cream. 

„No, we’re not going to do that“, Jeno quickly interferes. „Jaemin is happy with Yukhei, I don’t want to be the reason why he‘s sad“. 

„Buhu, look at me, I‘m Jeno and in love with my best friend but instead of making a move I‘ll just sit back and pity myself“, Donghyuk mocks. „I say: Let‘s get Jaemin to break up with Yukhei!“, he enthusiastically high fives Chenle. 

„And I say: Stop, this is insane“, Jeno says. 

„Insane is my middle name!“, Donghyuk calls out and Jeno can’t really deny that (he had been there when Donghyuk claimed to „do some hella lit move“ on his skateboard and jumped from the roof of his garage, breaking his skateboard and his arm in the process). 

„So what do we do?“, Chenle asks. 

„Nothing, we‘re going to do nothing!“, Jeno is trying to minimize the damage (even though he knows it’s too late; the thought has been planted like a seed and now all he can do is watch it grow).

„Easy“, Donghyuk ignores him. „We make Jaemin realize that Yukhei isn’t as great as he thinks he is and that Jaemin can do better!“

There’s a brief moment of silence. 

„Yukhei is pretty great though“, Chenle finally speaks up. 

„Also, can Jaemin really do better?“, Renjun considers and Jeno would be offended but well, Yukhei really is awesome and most importantly Jaemin is in love with him. 

„Cheer up guys, we can figure something out“, Donghyuk shoves the last piece of cake into his mouth. 

„We could kill him...“, Renjun proposes and he sounds scarily serious. 

„Dude, can you chill for like, two seconds?“

„I’m just saying, no one would have to know“, Renjun shrugs. 

„Well, we’re not going to kill him!“, Chenle clarifies (who probably still has a trauma from back then when he forgot that frog in the terrarium without water on a hot summer day). 

„Chenle could sleep with him“, Donghyuk proposes with his mouth still full. 

„Have you lost your mind? I‘m not going to ruin my friendship with Jaemin over some dick, if you really think this is a good idea you can sleep with him!“

„Fine“, Donghyuk shrugs. 

„No“, Jeno tries again. „Nobody is going to sleep with Yukhei and we’re not going to ruin Jaemin‘s relationship just because I have those stupid feelings towards him“. 

„Then what’s your plan, Jeno?“, Chenle asks. 

„No plan. I’m going to get over him eventually“. 

„That’s the dumbest thing I ever witnessed leaving your mouth and I stood next to you when you claimed that your green pullover could do photosynthesis“, Renjun says.

„I‘ll die from self pity then“, Jeno stubbornly crosses his arms. 

„Or“, Donghyuk leans forward as if he was going to tell him a secret, „you could not behave like a complete moron“. 

„Well, maybe I am a moron!“, Jeno insists, there is no way he’s going to confess to Jaemin.

„You’re definitely a moron but for once there idiots are right. Make a move on him, Jeno. What’s the worst that could happen?“, Renjun steals a piece of Chenle’s cookie („Hey!“). 

There’s a lot of things that could go wrong, if Jeno ever decided to make a move on Jaemin, starting with Yukhei beating him up for confessing to his boyfriend and ending with Jeno ruining his friendship with Jaemin. 

No, Jeno would rather die than telling Jaemin about his feelings, that’s for sure. He’s going to get over Jaemin, maybe not tomorrow but at some point in the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I struggled a bit with this chapter, especially at the beginning but I really like how it turned out.  
> Anyways, as always thank you for reading and I hope you all enjoy the rest of the weekend.  
> Stay healthy :)  
> ~Saphirsilber


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> „I’m not getting over him“, he admits quietly, avoiding Renjun’s gaze. 
> 
> „What a shocking surprise“, Renjun rolls his eyes.

Except Jeno doesn’t get over Jaemin. 

He tried, he really did but whenever Jeno thinks he finally managed to get rid of his feelings they come back at him with full force, twice as strong as before.   
At this point, Jeno feels helpless. 

He tried ignoring and avoiding Jaemin (bad idea, Jeno hates to see Jaemin unhappy and when Jaemin knocked onto his door one night, asking him with tears in his eyes what he did wrong, Jeno realized that this wasn’t the solution for his problem. He could never willingly hurt Jaemin so he just silently opened the door and held Jaemin close the entire night). 

He tried to busy himself (also a bad idea; he knew things went too far when the people at the gym started to think he lived in one of their closets and Renjun threatened to beat him up if he would be the reason why his supply of free chocolate protein shakes got cut off. Also he could busy himself as much as he wanted- he is never safe from his own thoughts). 

He tried distracting himself (maybe his worst idea but at least Donghyuk enjoys retelling the story of how Jeno went out to „get drunk and laid“ but ended up with some weird guy at the toilet of a club that somehow mistook Jeno for his girlfriend before throwing up all over Jeno and then proceeding to lecture him about lizards for over an hour). 

At the end, Jeno is still sitting on the windowsill, admiring the way Jaemin‘s eyes sparkle when the dawn turns into the night.   
___  
„You need to get your shit together“, Rejun says after dropping a box of art supplies next to him on the table, effectively startling Jeno who had been pretty investigated into the book he was reading (or pretended to read; it feels like he can’t really focus on anything for more than five minutes these days before his mind wanders back to soft pink hair and plush lips). 

„What do you mean?“, Jeno asks despite already knowing that this is going to be about his dumb crush on Jaemin (or about the fact that he’s recently been slacking off his normal gym routine and therefore Renjun didn’t get his usual dose of chocolate protein shakes). He hopes it’s the latter because Jeno is fed up with thinking about Jaemin. Or maybe not with thinking about Jaemin but definitely with the way his heart does this weird thing, like skipping a few beats just to slam with twice the speed and strength against his ribcage whenever someone mentions his best friend. 

„Jaemin“, Renjun forcefully pulls back the chair next to Jeno, effectively sending Jeno’s bag that had been laying on top of it to the floor and oh dear, here we go again. 

Boom. Pause. Boom boom, boom boom, boom boom. 

Jeno presses his lips together into a fine line. „I don’t want to talk about it“, he says while trying to get his heart to slow down and Jeno hopes these stupid butterflies in his stomach are going to die soon. At this point he seriously considers drinking some bleach to kill the bastards. 

„That’s bad luck because we’re going to talk about it right now“, Renjun pulls a pencil and a piece of paper from the box (since apparently talking to Jeno about his Jaemin-crisis doesn’t mean Renjun can’t follow his latest hobby: drawing dicks, or as Renjun likes to put it „nude models“, at the same time). 

Jeno sighs and puts his book down (he doesn’t really know what it’s about anyways), he knows that arguing with Renjun won’t get him anywhere because at the end Renjun gets what he wants. 

„So?“, Renjun asks and looks at Jeno with a predatory look in his eyes. „How’s it going with your dumb tactics to get rid of your feelings?“

Jeno snorts, Renjun knows exactly how it’s going, after all he had witnessed Jeno’s sulking on the windowsill with a bucket of ice larger than he likes to admit after his several failed attempts to change anything about his crush. 

„I’m not getting over him“, he admits quietly, avoiding Renjun’s gaze. 

„What a shocking surprise“, Renjun rolls his eyes. 

„You’re really not helping me right now“, Jeno points out and fumbles around with the poor book. He usually likes to keep his books in pristine condition but this particular copy looks like it’s been run over by a bus due to Jeno‘s nervous habit of picking on anything and everything when he’s stressed. He remembers the condition of his school books after his finals- pretty much ruined. „I don’t know what to do anymore“, he sighs once again and then (because the book is fucked up anyways) tosses his book carelessly over the edge of the table to bang his head against the wooden surface in frustration. 

„You know I usually hate to interfere with other people‘s business“, Renjun begins and it’s a blunt lie. The truth is, Renjun loves to be the secret director of the poor drama they all have to call their lives. „I just can’t take it anymore, Jeno. It physically pains me to witness your stupidity so please, I beg you, just make a move on Jaemin“.

Jenos gasps. „Are you out of your mind?!“

Confessing to Jaemin is clearly the opposite of what he’s trying to do. 

„No, but I‘m beginning to think that you are“, Renjun looks up from his drawing. „Look, I know you worry about this Yukhei thing-“

„It’s not a thing“, Jeno interrupts. „It’s a relationship and a serious one on top of that. Jaemin genuinely thinks Yukhei could be the one for him“.

„I’m going to punch you one day“, Renjun says through gritted teeth. „Even my generous patience is going to reach an end eventually“. 

„I don’t understand?“, he asks, confused. „I thought this was going to be about you giving me advice on how I‘m finally going to get over Jaemin?“

„Have you ever considered that maybe you don’t need to get over Jaemin? I mean, for what we know he could be totally into you but you don’t pick up on his hints because you’re just so fucking stu- is that a chocolate protein shake?“, Renjun leans over and janks the cup from Jeno’s stunned hands. 

Boom. Pause. Boom boom, boom boom, boom boom. 

Shit, if Renjun carries on with giving his pathetic mind dumb ideas Jeno might die from a heartattack. Jaemin being into Jeno? Ridiculous.   
Jaemin doesn‘t fall for people like Jeno, Jaemin falls for joyful guys like Yangyang, for pretty guys like Hyunjin, for mysterious guys like Leedo, for beautiful guys like Jimin. For bright guys like Yukhei.   
Not for someone as plain, as boring, as invisible as Jeno and especially not for guys that are his best friend. 

„Impossible“, Jeno blurts out. „I don’t stand a chance against all the boys Jaemin has loved before“. 

Especially not Jaemin’s mysterious love interest. There is a weird feeling in his gut whenever Jeno thinks about the way Jaemin’s voice sounds so fond when he talks about him. The way his eyes light up, like there’s a fire behind them, invisible to anyone who doesn’t take the effort to look twice but painfully obvious for someone who spent hours studying every millimeter of Jaemin’s face. (That someone is Jeno). Sometimes Jeno thinks that it’s impossible that Jaemin ever loved anyone the same way he loves the nameless boy. That nobody can ever truly compare to the raw, painful affection Jaemin seems to feel towards him and Jeno is jealous, so jealous that it hurts, that he’s disgusted with himself for having those kinds of thoughts. 

Renjun takes a deep breath. „Maybe today“, he whispers while tossing the now empty cup into the trash. 

„Huh?“, Jeno asks, snapping back into reality. How long had he been spacing out? Gosh, this is embarrassing. 

„Maybe today is the day I’m going to punch you“.   
___  
It’s Wednesday and like almost every bad decision in Jeno’s life it starts with Donghyuk or more precisely Donghyuk who wants to go out and it doesn’t matter that it’s the middle of the week. 

Jeno doesn‘t want to go out (he still remembers lizard-boy very vividly, thanks for asking, Hyuck) but the alternative is going to bed early and laying awake until way past midnight thinking about Jaemin. Still, Jeno isn’t that keen on getting drunk on weekdays so he proposes watching a movie instead. 

In the end, they „compromise“ and go out. To make things even worse Jaemin decides to tag along and because fate just seems to hate Jeno, Jaemin digs out his old leather jacket („bad boy Leedo“, Donghyuk sighs) and he really shouldn’t look so good in it. 

„Have fun, don’t wake me up when you get home or I‘m going to stab you in your sleep“, Renjun tells them right before they leave and then Chenle throws the door shut behind them. 

The club is loud, dirty and crowded, meaning they manage to lose Donghyuk within the first five minutes. From experience, Jeno knows that it’s useless to search for their friend, Donghyuk will be fine, he probably already found someone to spend the night with and that was his goal for tonight anyways. But this leaves Jeno with Jaemin in this ridiculously hot leather jacket. 

Jaemin orders three rounds of Tequila for Jeno and him but he ends up drinking all six shots by himself because Jeno really doesn’t want to get super wasted tonight so he settles with a beer. They talk, they drink, it’s kind of nice but Jeno’s palms are sweaty and his heart is beating faster than usual. 

A girl flirts with Jeno just before he finishes his first beer and he’s about to politely explain to her that he’s not interested when he catches a glimpse of Donghyuk on the dancefloor, heavily making out with a drag queen (see, he’s fine). When he turns back to point it out to Jaemin he finds his seat empty. 

Jeno apologizes to the girl and then makes his way back to the bar, maybe Jaemin just wanted to get another drink. However, he isn’t at the bar but a handsome guy buys Jeno another beer, so that‘s cool. They chat a bit and it’s nice, but the guy is not Jaemin and Jeno feels bad for flirting while thinking about somebody else. He declines the offer of going to the bathroom (war flashbacks of lizard-boy!) and instead keeps searching for Jaemin.   
Jeno is kind of bored, he’s tired and he wants to go home. But he can’t leave without Jaemin because while they lose Donghyuk almost every time they go out, Jaemin and Jeno have this unspoken rule of coming together and leaving together, no matter what happens in the meantime. 

It takes him almost an hour to find Jaemin but when he does, Jaemin is laying across a table, half naked, surrounded by a bunch of cheering students. They’re doing bodyshots. Off Jaemin. Oh god. 

„Jeno!“, Jaemin calls out when he spots him, sitting up and almost falling off the table by doing so. 

„Uuuh, it’s Jeno“, one of the students calls out but Jeno ignores them. 

„Jaemin“, he says hesitantly. He suddenly doesn’t know where to look anymore because while Jeno has seen his best friend naked countless times, it’s different now. Jeno’s outfit becomes too hot and he really hopes he’s not drooling. „Let’s, uh, go home“. 

„No!“, Jaemin protests. „I’m making so many new friends“, he gestures and almost falls off the table again if it wasn’t for Jeno’s fast reflexes. 

„That’s nice“, Jeno takes a look at the students. They’re all older than him and Jaemin and suddenly it really bothers Jeno that they have the audacity to look at Jaemin‘s exposed skin. „It’s late though and you‘re going to hate me tomorrow if I don’t drag you home right now“.

„But Jeno“, Jaemin whines and throws himself into Jeno’s arms and wow, that’s a lot of naked skin right there. 

„No but‘s!“, he interferes and scans the room for Jaemin‘s top while supporting his best friend’s drunk weight. 

„Do a shot first!“, Jaemin says and Jeno can’t believe his ears. 

„What? No way, Jaemin!“

„Oh please Jeno, just one!“, Jaemin begs. „I‘ll go home with you afterwards, I promise“. 

There is a tiny part inside of Jeno that really wants to do it. Taste Jaemin‘s warm skin just once, right here in this dirty club with cheap tequila to keep the memory for rainy days. But Jaemin is drunk and Jeno can’t use him like that. 

„No Jaemin. Just think about Yukhei“, he argues and for a brief second he thinks that this does the trick. 

„Yukhei would take a shot“, Jaemin pouts. 

„Well, I‘m not Yukhei“, Jeno rolls his eyes. „Now where‘s your clothes?“

Jaemin shrugs. „Don’t know“. 

„Fine“, he sighs. „Here, take my shirt“, he offers and he’s glad he decided to wear a T-shirt underneath it so none of them has to go home half naked. 

To his surprise, Jaemin doesn’t argue with him, he struggles with the buttons though so Jeno helps him with them. He considers searching for Jaemin‘s clothes but Jeno just wants to go home and sleep. It’s a pity, the leather jacket looked really good on Jaemin but maybe it’s for the better, it’s not like Jaemin is going to miss it (Donghyuk will and Jeno will too, silently).

„Alright“, he grabs Jaemin‘s hand to steady him. „Let’s go“.

„Bye guys!“, Jaemin calls out and waves enthusiastically towards the students. 

It’s kind of difficult to get Jaemin home. Jeno knows that there are different stages of drunk Jaemin. First of all, there is excited Jaemin, meaning Jaemin is going to be thrilled by anything and everything, whether that’s the idea to do bodyshots, the way the streetlights light up the night or the squirrel they spot in the park nearby.   
Then, there is cuddly Jaemin. They get there about halfway through their way home when Jaemin starts to demand hugs and kisses and won’t let go of Jeno’s hand. It’s when he decides that it’s going to be easier (and a lot faster) to get Jaemin home by carrying him piggyback. So that’s what they do and if Jaemin whispers sweet nothings in his ear while Jeno carries him home, he ignores it.   
They hit stage three when they stumble through the dark hallway of their apparent. Emotional Jaemin, Jeno’s worst fear because he just hates to see Jaemin crying. Since Jeno knows that emotional Jaemin often also means throwing up, he maneuvers them into the bathroom (he knows if Jaemin throws up on Renjun‘s favourite carpet they’re not going to be alive tomorrow). 

Jaemin is a crying mess by the time he finally kneels in front of the toilet. Like always, Jaemin tries to explain to him why he’s crying but he’s constantly choking on tears before throwing up. Which is not a pretty sight, but at least his hangover isn’t going to be as bad tomorrow as it would be otherwise and Jeno doesn’t really mind. He strokes Jaemin‘s back and gives him some water in between until he’s calmed down a bit. 

„Sorry“, Jaemin babbles and looks up at Jeno with big, wet eyes. „Sorry, I‘m sorry“.

„It’s fine, Jaemin“, he says and sits down next to him. „Let’s get you changed and then we can go to bed, yeah?“

Jaemin nods before another sob shakes his fragile body and Jeno can’t help but pull him into a hug. If Jaemin throws up all over him then so it be, Jeno honestly couldn’t care less. Thankfully, he doesn’t and Jeno somehow manages to change Jaemin into his pajamas and then carries him to his room. 

Jaemin is exhausted, maybe from dancing in the bar, maybe from crying so much, maybe just because it’s late at night. He is barely awake when Jeno puts him down on his bed but just before he can leave, Jaemin grabs his arm. 

„Stay the night?“, he asks and he looks so tiny, so hopeful that Jeno almost says yes. It wouldn’t be the first time, they shared a bed plenty of times but it’s different now. Now, Jeno has to fight the urge to kiss Jaemin‘s forehead fondly. 

„No“, he says and pulls his arm from Jaemin‘s grip. And then, because Jeno is a weak piece of shit, he leans down, brushes Jaemin‘s hair back and gently kisses his forehead. „Good night, Jaemin“, he says before rushing out of his room. 

Wow, Jeno can’t believe how badly he fucked up at getting over his crush.   
___  
It’s been a long week for all of them so when Jaemin proposes another sleepover everyone is quick to agree, except for Mark, who already has plans for going out with Yukhei. Which explains why Jaemin is free tonight since he spends all of his free time with his boyfriend nowadays (and yes, that might be jealousy, whatever). 

Jaemin bakes two batches of vanilla cookies to „pack a snack for Mark and Yukhei“, Chenle and Jisung argue about who gets to choose the movie (in the end it’s Donghyuk who makes the final decision) and Renjun falls asleep within the first few minutes of the film.

And then it’s Jeno, Jaemin and the windowsill again but it’s different tonight because now Jeno is painfully aware of where their legs are touching, it feels like his skin is burning up. 

„You‘ve been weird lately“, Jaemin says. It’s a full moon tonight and Jeno wishes the pale light wouldn’t make Jaemin’s eyes glow like it does because this way it’s difficult to focus on anything else. 

„Really?“, Jeno asks and he hopes he sounds surprised. 

„There’s something on your mind lately“, Jaemin pulls the blanket closer. „Are you worried about something?“

Jeno can‘t bring himself to lie to Jaemin but he also can’t tell him the truth so he just shrugs, sending Jaemin what he hopes is a reassuring smile. 

„Is it because…“, Jaemin trails off and makes a uncertain gesture. Jeno’s breath hitches, he doesn’t know it, or does he? He can feel his heart beating so fast he’s scared it’s going to jump out of his chest. Renjun wouldn’t betray him like that, right? „Is it because of your outing? Are you uncomfortable with, like, being out of the closet? Did something happen?“

„What?“, that’s not what Jeno expected. 

„Because if some homophobic dickhead said something to you I‘m going to kick their ass“, Jaemin threatens and Jeno would think it’s cute if he wasn’t so taken aback. 

„I- No, I‘m comfortable with who I am“, he awkwardly chuckles, „I mean I’m still Jeno, nothing really changed“. 

Except that I love you, he adds in his thoughts.

For a few minutes, Jaemin seems to be deep into his own thoughts. 

„I know you think that I’m super confident all the time“, he begins and there is this look on his face that he only ever gets with Jeno on the windowsill. Jaemin always gets it right before he shares something that makes him vulnerable, something no one else will ever know about him. „But I can get really self conscious too. For example, after the Jimin incident I actually thought that maybe I was so horrible I could turn gay guys straight“, he admits and he looks so small, so lost that Jeno’s heart breaks a little bit. 

„Are you joking?“, Jeno grabs Jaemin’s hand and ignores the stupid butterflies. „You could probably turn straight guys gay!“

Jaemin weakly smiles. „Like you“, he jokes. 

„Haha, yeah“, Jeno quickly pulls his hand back before Jaemin can feel his racing pulse.

„It’s funny, you never liked Jimin“, there is something in Jaemin‘s voice that Jeno can’t quite put his finger on. Something lingering. 

„I guess I could just sense that something was off“, he shrugs and for a moment it looks like Jaemin is going to call him out. 

But then Jaemin grins. „Well now I‘m worried because you don’t like Yukhei either“, he says and wow, that catches Jeno off guard. 

„What, who told you-“, he interrupts himself. „I mean Yukhei is great!“

„You’re a bad liar, Jeno“, Jaemin smiles. He doesn’t seem to be mad or disappointed and Jeno doesn’t understand. 

„Yeah, I am not so much of a Yukhei fan I guess“, he sighs. „I’m sorry“. 

„It’s okay Jeno, thankfully he’s my boyfriend and not yours“. 

There is silence again for a few minutes but somehow Jeno feels a lot better than just a few minutes ago. It’s what those nights on the windowsill with Jaemin do to him. Suddenly honesty isn’t as threatening anymore because he knows Jaemin would never judge him (except maybe he would, if he knew about the way Jeno’s whole body seems to be lit on fire whenever they touch). 

„What about your crush“, Jaemin suddenly asks and Jeno can feel his cheeks heating up and his heart skipping a beat. 

„Why, what about it?“, Jeno cringes at the sound of his own weirdly high pitched voice. 

„I just thought, maybe you would go out and get yourself a boyfriend now that you’re outed and everything“, he shrugs. „Plus, I know that you have a crush so why not act on it?“

„It’s not that simple“, Jeno looks anywhere but Jaemin‘s eyes. 

„It is“, Jaemin insists. „Sometimes it is“. His face is way to close than Jeno’s poor, gay heart can handle.

„I-“,Jeno gulps. „I’m not sure“, he says and honestly doesn’t even know himself what he means. 

Jaemin is smiling and he’s still so close and if it wasn’t for the fact that he’s trapped on the windowsill Jeno would have put some distance between them, some space to breathe, some space to think because Jaemin is sending him very mixed signals and he really doesn’t want to so something stupid like running his hand through Jaemin’s hair or kiss those beautiful lips. No, shit, Jeno can’t go there with his thoughts right now, not when Jaemin is looking at him like that. Jeno wished he would just stop giving himself false hope. 

„Jesus, what do I have to do that you finally understand?“, Jaemin whispers. 

„Understand what, I know that you could never-“

But Jeno doesn’t get to finish his sentence because Jaemin dives forward and presses his lips aggressively on Jeno’s. At first Jeno is so surprised that he doesn’t react at all but then he realizes that Jaemin is kissing him, holy fuck, do something! It’s the last correhend thought his brain is able to form because then it decides to leave Jeno’s body. Jeno is still taken aback, but when Jaemin pulls back (probably unsure if he read the signs correctly since Jeno is as stiff and motionless as a statue in his grip), his body finally decides to follow the last order of his ascending brain and Jeno pulls him close, finally returning the kiss. 

They break apart after what feels like eternity (and yet the clock shows it’s only been two minutes), both gasping for air. 

„What- I don’t think I can- Jaemin, you have a boyfriend“, Jeno babbles, his brain still doesn’t work properly after the breathtaking kiss by his best friend (and arguably the love of his life).

„Wow, is that everything you have to say?“, Jaemin smiles weakly. 

„Well what am I supposed to say?“, he asks and Jaemin’s smile drops. 

„Nothing, never mind“, Jaemin slips down from the windowsill. „Good night Jeno“. 

„Jaemin wait“, Jeno is quick to follow Jaemin, grabbing his wrist to stop him from leaving.

Jaemin looks ethereal in the moonlight that’s falling through the window, he’s absolutely stunning and it makes Jeno forget about Yukhei and the fact that Jaemin would never fall for someone like Jeno. Jaemin has kissed Jeno, that’s the only thing that matters, it has to mean something, right?

„Do it again“, Jeno breathlessly demands. 

„What?“, this time it’s Jaemin who is confused. 

„Do it again“, Jeno repeats but before Jaemin could react he pulls him close and kisses him again, this time a lot more feral. 

Jaemin kisses him back just as desperate and Jeno thinks that if he died right now he would die as a happy man. He could kiss Jaemin for hours, he realizes. Because Jaemin’s lips taste like coffee and vanilla and long nights on the windowsill and Jeno loves it, Jaemin’s lips are addicting and his kisses are a drug that gets Jeno higher than any substance ever could.   
He bites Jaemin’s underlip and Jaemin rewards his actions with a sinful moan (it has to be the most beautiful sound Jeno has ever heard) that makes Jeno want more. More moans, more kisses, more Jaemin and so he pushes his tongue past Jaemin’s parted lips and it’s so, so good. Jeno licks into his mouth, finding Jaemin’s tongue with his own and it’s still not enough. He wants to be closer, he wants to touch more skin and most importantly he wants more Jaemin. 

Jeno pushes Jaemin against the windowsill, his leg pressing up against Jaemin’s crotch and it makes both of them moan, Jaemin throws his head back and it hits against the window but he doesn’t seem to care because he pulls Jeno back into another breathtaking kiss. 

Somewhere in between, Jaemin must have jumped onto the windowsill because Jeno can feel Jaemin’s legs wrapping around his waist, pulling him even closer and providing friction where he needs it the most. The fabric of their pyjama trousers is thin and Jeno can feel Jaemin, he can feel it all and he moans again but it’s still not enough and he tries to steady himself by putting one hand against the cool glass of the window, willing himself to calm down but it doesn’t work, not when Jaemin is right there, right in front of him kissing him again and again with his hands slowly slipping underneath Jeno’s t-shirt. 

„Jaemin“, he says or he tries to say, but it comes out more as a moan and Jeno would be embarrassed if he wasn’t so turned on. 

„Jeno“, Jaemin is equally breathless and he presses his forehead against Jeno’s while simultaneously trying to pull his t-shirt over his head. Jeno loves this, he never wants to put any distance between him and Jaemin again but he does, briefly, to discharge his shirt somewhere behind him and then he kisses Jaemin’s lips once again and then his jaw and then his neck. 

„I love you Jaemin“, he whispers against Jaemin’s soft skin but he knows that Jaemin has heard him because he can feel his fingers digging deeper into his back, trying to get him closer when his chest is already pressed flush against Jaemin’s own. Jeno wants to taste more of Jaemin’s skin and so he does. He gently sucks on his neck and Jaemin moans into his ear, throwing his head back once again, one hand flying up into Jeno’s hair to pull him closer and that’s enough for Jeno to completely lose his mind.

Jeno needs this, he needs Jaemin’s moans and Jaemin’s fingers roughly tugging at his hair and he needs Jaemin’s lips on his, because this is heaven on earth, it has to be. He lets his own hand travel upwards over Jaemin’s strong calf a little higher just above his-

„What the actual fuck is going one here?!“

Jaemin shrieks, and Jeno jerks forward, hitting his forehead against Jaemin’s face before jumping back, bringing some distance between him and Jaemin because shit, Jeno forgot they’re not alone. 

Donghyuk is a light sleeper. He’s always the one who wakes up at the first noise, even if Renjun is sneaking as quiet as possible into the kitchen at 3am to get a snack. 

They weren’t exactly quiet, Jeno realizes and that’s probably the reason why Donghyuk is sitting in absolute shock on the couch, his hair standing upwards into every direction and his eyes as big as if he just saw a ghost but that’s not even the worst part. It could have been Jaemin’s sinful moan, or maybe Donghyuk‘s shocked exclamation or maybe the high pitched shriek but right next to Donghyuk is Chenle, wide awake and so is Jisung and probably (Jeno can’t tell because he’s standing with his back facing the beanbag) Renjun. 

„Uh“, is everything his brain offers as an answer.

„You were about to get it on right next to us!“, Donghyuk calls out, his voice a mix of disgust and offensiveness. 

Jeno wishes he could deny this statement but he’s positive that not even god himself could have stopped them from whatever they were about to do if Jaemin only kissed him for a second longer. 

„I should go“, Jaemin mutters and slips down from the windowsill, quickly crossing the room.

„Jaemin wait!“, Jeno snatches his t-shirt from the floor, trying to catch Jaemin but he can hear their front door slam shut before he can even make it towards the hallway. 

„For the records, when I said ‚make a move on him‘ I didn’t mean ‚go fuck Jaemin in the living room while we all have a sleepover‘“, Renjun drily states. 

„Shit“, Jeno whispers. He’s so fucked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I finally decided to update this story after what feels like ages. I really like the last part even though it was kind of difficult for me to write but I‘m satisfied with how it turned out.   
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter!  
> Stay healthy ♥️  
> ~ Saphirsilber
> 
> (I also changed the rating because yeah)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> „What are you talking about?!“, there are tears welling up in Jaemin’s eyes and Jeno hates that, he hates seeing Jaemin cry and he hates even more that he’s the reason for his tears. „You know, you always think it’s everyone else. That I can love everyone but you“. 
> 
> „Because it’s always been everyone else, Jaemin. It’s been Yangyang and Hyunjin, Leedo and Jimin and Yukhei“, Jeno tries to explain and he’s frustrated and on the verge of crying too because he could never handle Jaemin crying very well.
> 
> „You’re so stupid, Jeno“, Jaemin calls out and sniffles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: In this chapter, there will be smut and it will be bad (it’s my first time writing smut and I‘m a vagina-owner, so I never experienced gay sex myself), it will be filthy and I‘m honestly still blushing thinking about it. If you feel uncomfortable about reading about that, please don’t read further than the „♥️“.  
> Enjoy,  
> ~ Saphirsilber

„I had a dream, Jeno“, Renjun says when he steps into the kitchen the next day. „It was not a good dream. I dreamed that we had a sleepover and that you kissed Jaemin. I dreamed that you shoved your tongue down Jaemin‘s throat in the living room while we all watched you in disgust. And then I dreamed that you still managed to fuck it up, Jeno. And now I ask you to tell me that this was just a dream“

„It wasn’t a dream, Renjun“, Jeno says, checking his phone for the nth time. There is still no notification from Jaemin and he still hasn’t read Jeno’s messages either. 

„Yes. Yes, it is, Jeno. It’s a fucking nightmare and the worst thing is: I still haven’t woken up!“, Renjun sets his cup down on the table a lot harder than needed. 

Jeno decides to ignore him for now, he has more important worries than Renjun‘s wrath. 

„Do you know where Jaemin is? He doesn’t answer my texts and doesn’t pick up my calls“, Jeno asks instead because at least someone please tell him that Jaemin is safe and not lost running around in the city. 

„Jaemin is at Yukhei’s“, Mark comes into the kitchen. For being out with Yukhei he looks surprisingly fresh (and Jeno internally groans. Of course, Jaemin is at his  _ boyfriend‘s _ ). „What happened yesterday anyways? I thought you were having a sleepover? Why did Jaemin call Yukhei at the ass crack of dawn crying in front of our apartment complex?“

They both look at Jeno expectantly but Jeno doesn’t have the nerve to retell the entire story now. He’s already fucked up enough, even without their witty comments. 

„Just wake me up when Jaemin comes back“, he mutters instead and leaves the room just to run straight into Donghyuk. 

„Not so fast, loverboy“, he says and gently pushes him back into the kitchen. „Spill, what was that yesterday?“

Jeno feels uneasy. „Nothing“, he mutters and suddenly the fruit bowl is very interesting. 

„Sure“, Renjun snorts and grabs an apple. „So you’re telling us that you just stumbled and fell with your lips on Jaemin‘s lips and in the process you accidentally lost your t-shirt“.

„Wait, you kissed Jaemin?!“, Mark shrieks. „But Yukhei-“

„I know, okay“, Jeno runs his hands through his hair before going back to fumbling with the hem of his sweatshirt, „I fucked up“. 

„Nobody said that“, Donghyuk‘s voice is weirdly soft (Jeno forgets sometimes that despite Donghyuk’s attitude, he was the one who hugged Jeno first when he told them about his parents divorce). „From what I saw, Jaemin was into the kiss as well, so maybe you should go to him and finally tell him you’re in love so the two of you can-“

„Jeno is in love with Jaemin?!“, Mark calls out and if Jeno wasn’t too busy sulking, he would have laughed at his comically wide eyes. 

„Literally, how did you not know that?“, Renjun side eyes Mark before biting into his apple. „And before you ask: if we told you, you would have been super awkward about it and accidentally told Yukhei or some shit“. 

„That’s not the point right now“, Donghyuk interferes. „We should plan some kind of super romantic love confession, with flowers and lots of candles- oh and I could play something on the piano and-“

„I already confessed“, Jeno’s voice is barely a whisper. 

Renjun drops his half eaten apple, Mark spills his entire bowl of cereal over his lap and Donghyuk just stares at Jeno, dramatic hand gestures paused mid air. 

„I- when?“, Donghyuk asks. 

Jeno shrugs and thinks about hot breaths on cold skin, burning touches underneath his shirt and sinful lips on his. Somewhere in between the windowsill and skin on skin, his whispered words:

_ I love you, Jaemin.  _

He settles with a muttered „when we kissed“.

„Oh“, Donghyuk slowly closes his open mouth. „That works too, I guess. What did he say?“

Jeno shrugs again. It doesn’t matter because the horrified look in Jaemin‘s eyes said more than words ever could. 

„You need to talk“, Renjun states. Jeno knows. They finally need to figure their shit out. 

„But what about Yukhei?“, Mark asks again with a small voice and Jeno thinks that Yukhei shouldn’t be Mark’s top priority right now since his lap is soaked in cereal. 

It’s a good question though. Because Jaemin loves Yukhei, Jeno knows. Jaemin told him on the windowsill. 

___

It’s dark again and Jeno is cold. It’s lonely on the windowsill without Jaemin but it’s even lonelier in his bed and Jeno can’t sleep anyways. For what feels like the millionth time, he replays in his mind everything that happened in the last twenty four hours- their talk, their kiss and the look on Jaemin‘s face when he left. 

Jeno regrets it, not the kiss but the fact that he told Jaemin that he loves him. If it was only for the kiss they could still brush it off as a mistake- a thing that happened in the heat of the moment. Who could have known that a simple kiss from Jaemin could make Jeno’s brain stop working? (He did. He knew before the first gentle touch of Jaemin‘s lips on his own.)

For the millionth time, he scolds himself for getting so carried away, for hoping that maybe there was more behind the look of Jaemin‘s chocolate brown eyes because for a moment, Jeno could have sworn that there was a fire so weirdly familiar and yet so new. 

And Jeno is scared. „Actions always have consequences“, Donghyuk told him once after getting into an ugly fight with a hookup‘s boyfriend at school. „We have to bear them, always and I prefer to do that proudly“. That last statement was a bit ridiculous because Donghyuk horribly lost to the guy (who, how Donghyuk painfully found out, had been a semi professional wrestler) and looked like a beaten dog at the time but still. Jeno has to admit that he was right. 

He’s going to have to bear the consequences of kissing and confessing to Jaemin, even if that means he’s going to lose his best friend. 

Jeno is scared though, so scared that he feels nauseous, because for as long as he can think, Jaemin has always been his best friend and he doesn’t know what to do without him. And Jeno is angry, at himself and at the world and a little bit at Jaemin because he still hasn’t answered any of Jeno’s texts or voicemails and they’re both adults for fucks sake, they should be able to handle this differently. 

Mostly, Jeno is confused though. After all, Jaemin was the one who kissed him first and then ran back to his boyfriend. 

Jeno is about to doze off against the cold glass of the window when suddenly, there is some rustling coming from the front door (and at first Jeno thinks it’s a burglar but then he realizes). 

Jaemin is home. 

Jeno jumps off the windowsill. There are steps in the hallway and they come to an halt when Jaemin‘s gaze meets Jeno’s. 

„You’re home“, Jeno points out the obvious. 

Jaemin doesn‘t say anything, he just looks at Jeno like a deer caught in the headlights. Jeno never felt like this with Jaemin, he’s anxious and it’s like there’s a distance between them much larger than the gap between the doorway of the living room and the couch. 

And suddenly Jeno panics because he’s afraid that it’s too late, that he already lost Jaemin and this can’t be happening. He doesn’t want them to be strangers and Jaemin doesn’t have to love him back, Jeno doesn’t care but he needs Jaemin in his life. At least as a friend. 

„Please Jaemin“, Jeno begins and he doesn’t care that he sounds pathetic, doesn’t care about the obvious desperation that lies within his words. All he cares for is that he can’t lose Jaemin but he doesn’t even get there because Jaemin interrupts him. 

„I broke up with Yukhei“, his voice is weirdly emotionless, the pale light of the city outside illuminating Jaemin‘s skin. 

„But-“, Jeno begins but he doesn’t know what to say. It’s because of him, he realizes. He ruined this for Jaemin because of course Jaemin would never crawl back to Yukhei after what Jeno did to him. He ruined Jaemin‘s relationship, the one relationship that Jaemin was so sure was going to last forever with a guy who for once knew how to love Jaemin right (somewhere deep inside of him, Jeno can admit it now). 

And what for? One stupid kiss (arguably more than one), one stupid night of forgetting where his place is (by Jaemin‘s side but as nothing more than his best friend). It wasn’t worth it, Jeno thinks. Giving up everything for a tiny taste of Jaemin wasn’t worth it (and it doesn’t matter that Jaemin tasted like sweet promises and ruin). 

„Can we talk?“, Jeno asks and it feels like his voice is not his own. 

Jaemin shakes his head. „No“, he says and if Jeno’s heart wasn’t broken before it is now. „Not now, I just-“, Jaemin interrupts himself. „I can’t“, he turns back, about to leave Jeno alone once again but this time Jeno grabs his shoulder. 

Jaemin pulls away from his touch (and it’s another knife going straight through his heart). 

„Jaemin wait“, Jeno tries to gather all of his courage for those next words. „We’re still friends, right?“

Jaemin takes a long look at him. He looks tired and the red eyes tell Jeno that he must have cried. 

„I don’t know“, Jaemin says and then Jeno is alone again. 

___

Jaemin wordlessly drags him to their usual cafe the next morning. They sit on the same table as always, they order the same thing as always and yet everything feels so different from what it’s usually like. 

„I broke up with Yukhei“, Jaemin says when Jeno’s chocolate cake arrives. 

„I know“, Jeno replies. „You told me yesterday“. He doesn’t have to ask, he knows that it’s because of him, it’s his fault. 

„Is that everything you have to say?“, Jaemin asks and Jeno has kind of a deja-vu. Jaemin’s strawberry muffin is untouched on the plate in front of him and so is his beloved coffee. 

„What do you want me to say?“, he asks, his voice hoarse and his fingers fumbling with the napkin. 

„Anything“, Jaemin whispers. 

Jeno gulps. „I’m sorry“, he offers but is he really? Maybe a bit, because this is not what Yukhei deserves, maybe a lot because he hurt Jaemin so bad. Maybe not, because he never thought Yukhei was good enough for Jaemin in the first place. 

„What for?“, Jaemin looks at him, eyes round and big and a little wet with tears that haven’t been cried yet. 

„I didn’t mean to-“, he stops himself. Didn’t mean to what? Didn’t mean to kiss you? A lie, because it was Jeno’s decision to do so, if he didn’t meant to, he wouldn’t have done it in the first place. „I didn’t mean to hurt you“, is what he comes out with in the end. 

„I’m okay“, Jaemin shrugs but Jeno doesn’t believe him. Jaemin cried too much and slept too little last night, Jaemin is too pale to be okay and his eyes are dull. 

Despite that, Jeno just nods and normally, he would have called him out. If this was just any other day, Jeno would have dragged Jaemin back to the dorm, he would have cooked (or at least attempted to do so) a big pot of soup, he would have rolled Jaemin into a blanket like a burrito and then he would have sat down with him on the windowsill. He would have held Jaemin until everything was good again. 

Today he doesn’t because suddenly, Jaemin feels untouchable all over again (and Jeno wonders if maybe Jaemin came to the cafe with him to tell him he doesn’t want to see him ever again). 

„I think I lost a good friend but I‘m okay“, Jaemin says and Jeno’s heart sinks. 

So this is where it all ends, huh? In the small coffee shop next to their former school with chocolate cake and a strawberry muffin. 

The least he can do for Jaemin is leaving without a protest (even though it breaks him. Not only his heart because over the last years Jeno and Jaemin grew so close with each other that they have slowly become one. One mind, one heart, one soul and if Jaemin takes this away from Jeno, he’s going to break) (it’s okay though, because Jeno owes him at least that). 

„I see“, Jeno chokes out. It’s suddenly very hard to breathe but it’s fine. In the end, Jeno doesn’t need to breathe, he only needs Jaemin and if he can’t have him, he can just stop breathing all together. „I promise this is the last time you‘ll see me, I‘ll just ask Mark to pack my stuff so I won‘t have to come back to the dorms and-“

„What are you talking about?!“, there are tears welling up in Jaemin’s eyes and Jeno hates that, he hates seeing Jaemin cry and he hates even more that he’s the reason for his tears. „You know, you always think it’s everyone else. That I can love everyone but you“. 

„Because it’s always been everyone else, Jaemin. It’s been Yangyang and Hyunjin, Leedo and Jimin and Yukhei“, Jeno tries to explain and he’s frustrated and on the verge of crying too because he could never handle Jaemin crying very well. 

„You’re so stupid, Jeno“, Jaemin calls out and sniffles. „Don’t you realize that it’s never been anyone but you?“

„What?“, Jeno deadpans. His brain is trying (and failing) to understand what Jaemin wants to say. 

„It’s you, Jeno! You’re the guy I fell in love with so many years ago“, Jaemin says and Jeno can’t believe his ears. 

„What?“, he repeats because surely, Jaemin can’t mean it, right? There is just no way, Jaemin doesn’t fall for someone like Jeno, after all, Jeno is just Jeno and other guys have so much more to offer. And yet, they’re sitting here and Jaemin just told him he’s in love with him. „You like me back?“, he asks in utter disbelief. 

„I do“, Jaemin smiles at him through his tears and Jeno is so confused. 

„Wait, you like-like me? As in more than just a friend?“, Jeno has to make sure because his heart won’t be able to take another rejection. 

„Yes Jeno, as more than just a friend“, Jaemin says and fondly rolls his eyes at him. 

„Are you sure? Because-“

„Oh my god what does it take for you to kiss me, huh?“, Jaemin suddenly yanks him forward and presses their lips together and it’s only now that Jeno realizes that oh, Jaemin is serious. 

Jaemin is in love with him. Jaemin kisses him in a cafe, this is reality and not just some weird dream of his. 

„Wait“, Jeno pulls back. „Does this mean we’re still friends?“

Jaemin rolls his eyes again. „We’re boyfriends, silly“. 

And that seems to do the trick because Jeno finally, finally leans forward and connects their lips once again. 

_ Boyfriends _ , Jeno thinks. He likes that. 

(And he realizes that this is not where it ends. This is where it begins). 

♥️

___

„Get out“, is the first thing Renjun says when Jeno steps into their living room. Everyone else has left the apartment and so it’s uncharacteristically quiet, except for the National Geographic‘s documentary that’s playing in the background while Renjun is bent over the small coffee table, drawing some kind of impressionistic penis („nude model!“). 

Jeno ignores Renjun‘s harsh words and silently makes his way over to his friend. He wordlessly slides a chocolate protein shake over to Renjun- a peace offer. 

Renjun hesitantly takes it and squints his eyes. „What do you want?“, he asks. 

„I want to say sorry“, Jeno sighs and takes a seat next to his friend on the couch (with some safety space- just in case Renjun decides that today truly is the day he’s going to punch Jeno). 

„Oh dear god“, Renjun groans, „What did you do?“

„Nothing“, Jeno holds his hands up in a defensive gesture and puts one of Mark's ugly pillows as a barrier between them, just to make sure. „I just realized how much bullshit you had to deal with because of me and I‘m really sorry. I was so stupid, I mean you basically told me I was in love with Jaemin years before I even knew myself and even then I couldn’t believe-“, Jeno cuts himself off because it’s happening again; he’s rambling on and on about Jaemin and he really needs to stop that habit in front of his friends. „Yeah“.

„So…“, Renjun sends him an questioning gaze, „You’re telling me that because you and Jaemin finally figured it out, right? This is not going to end with you whining about how you’re never going to be good enough for him?“

„No“, Jeno flushes. „We talked about it and it turns out that…“, he braces himself for those next words, „that you’ve been right all this time“.

„And you and Jaemin, you‘re a thing now? Like, officially dating and shit?“, Renjun asks and he almost sounds like he can’t believe Jeno’s words (and maybe he can't, it must feel surreal for him after all those years of watching them both pining over each other without realizing that it could have been so easy). 

„Yeah“, Jeno confirms. „Jaemin and I are boyfriends“, he says and to be honest, Jeno might enjoy what that sounds like a bit too much. 

„Oh my god“, Renjun puts his paintbrush down. „I can’t believe it! You finally decided not to be a dumb shit for once, this is incredible, the best day of my life, even better than when Hyuck got himself that girlfriend“, he claims and then literally falls onto his knees and raises his head towards the sky. „Whatever force there might be, thank you! After years of painfully witnessing these stupid fucks they finally managed to get their shit together, I am so-“

„Alright, that’s enough!“, Jeno interrupts, rolling his eyes at Renjun‘s dramatic speech (it reminds him of when Donghyuk once claimed to be „a blessed bitch“ because he didn’t fail his math test without studying). 

„Say it“, Renjun jumps up, startling Jeno, one hand pointing accusingly at his face. „Say that I was right again, I want to enjoy this“. 

Jeno sighs. „You were right“. 

„Oh hell yes, I was!“, Renjun calls out. „Say it one more time“.

„No“, Jeno gets up. „That’s enough confidence boost for you today“.

„I’m never going to let you live that one down“, Renjun whispers and he looks awfully content. „You totally owe me one“, he turns back to his weird dick painting. 

„Whatever“, Jeno mumbles and thinks that Renjun might be a good friend and a good artist but he sure doesn’t know what a penis looks like because Jeno has seen one and that thing on the paper definitely doesn’t look like it at all. „Your dick painting sucks“. 

„Get out“, Renjun snaps and takes a sip from his chocolate protein shake. 

Jeno happily compiles (and if he thinks about Jaemin‘s dick on his way out then nobody has to know. After all, he’s totally allowed to think about it now that they’re boyfriends). 

___

Jaemin likes it hard. Jeno never though he would, but Jaemin is a sucker for rough sex. 

He notices first when he shoves Jaemin against the wall, slamming the door shut with his foot and too excited to hold back. Jaemin’s back hits the wall way harder than Jeno had anticipated before Jaemin can even close his legs around Jeno securely and he‘s about to apologize but Jaemin moans and then Jeno is gone. He kisses him desperately and then he grabs Jaemin’s ass. Jaemin’s grip in his hair becomes tighter and it feels so good that Jeno goes completely wild, thrusting up into Jaemin‘s clothed crotch, desperate for some kind, any kind of friction. 

„You like that, don’t you?“, Jaemin breathlessly asks with a smirk and Jeno can feel his face getting hot. 

„Shut up“, he says and goes back to attacking Jaemin‘s lips before tightening his grip on his legs (and ass) to maneuver them in the vague direction of where he knows Jaemin‘s bed is. 

It’s all going very fast, he knows, but that’s okay because it took them years to get together and now that it’s finally happening, it can’t happen fast enough (and nobody can expect Jeno to have any kind of self control when Jaemin kisses him like  _ that _ ). Jeno wants Jaemin close, so close that their bodies become one and even now, with Jaemin pressed flush against him, with Jaemin‘s lips on his and Jaemin‘s tongue down his throat it’s still not enough, Jeno still wants more Jaemin. 

For a while, everything is going great. They kiss, good, Jeno lets his hands travel down Jaemin‘s pants, good, Jaemin grabs his hair again when Jeno palms him over the thin material of his boxers,  _ very good _ , they both get rid of their remaining clothes, good, Jeno kisses a trail down Jaemin‘s body, good. And then suddenly, Jeno doesn’t know where to go from here (technically he knows how gay sex works, okay? It’s not like Jeno is living behind the moon but it’s also not like Jeno ever experienced it himself, let alone with Jaemin). 

„What now?“, Jeno asks dumbly, looking a bit helplessly up at Jaemin. 

„What do you mean what now?“, Jaemin asks, breathless and, equally confused as Jeno. 

„I mean what do I do next? How are we going to do this?“

„Shit Jeno, I forgot that this is your first time“, Jaemin groans and sits back up. 

„Yeah“, Jeno awkwardly chuckles. „We should have probably talked that through before…“, he trails off and makes a vague gesture. 

„Before we got naked and horny?“, Jaemin offers and Jeno blushes. 

„That, yeah“, Jeno has to fight the urge to hide his face behind his hands. 

„Fine, you‘re going to top me, I suppose?“

„I don’t know“, Jeno says while avoiding to look anywhere near Jaemin’s naked body. Suddenly it’s all very weird and he doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do. 

„You don’t know“, Jaemin repeats his words while raising an eyebrow. „Are you going to fuck me or do you want me to fuck you? I usually don’t top, so no guarantee that it’ll be good but I would try my best for you“.

„No it’s fine, I can top“, Jeno‘s face probably is the color of a tomato by now. „Just… tell me what to do“. 

„Okay, yeah, I can do that“, Jaemin eagerly pulls Jeno back into a kiss before Jeno can think any further about it (and ruin the mood completely). 

Jaemin‘s kisses are magical, because as soon as his lips meet Jeno’s, he totally forgets about his doubts and there’s only space for Jaemin, Jaemin, Jaemin in his head. 

Jeno goes back to caressing his legs while kissing and sucking on Jaemin‘s neck and then Jaemin‘s hand is back in Jeno’s hair and oh god, it feels so good. 

„You really do like it when I pull your hair, don’t you?“, Jaemin cheekily asks but before Jeno can answer Jaemin pulls on his hair once more and Jeno can’t help the moan slipping from his lips (judging by the satisfied smirk on Jaemin‘s lips it’s answer enough for him). 

„Fuck“, Jaemin breathes out when Jeno bites down on that sensitive spot on his neck. „Lube and condoms, top drawer, now!“, he orders and Jeno doesn’t think he ever moved so fast. 

Jaemin takes the condoms and puts them next to him on the bed before grabbing the lube and popping the cap open. 

„Give me your hand“, he says and Jeno compiles, watching Jaemin squirt an enormous amount of lube onto his fingers. It drips down from his fingers onto Jaemin thigh and stomach, where his dick is standing proudly and it’s such a sinful sight that Jeno thinks that he’s drooling. „Now get your fingers inside of me!“, Jaemin demands. 

God, Jaemin sounds so eager and still, Jeno hesitates because he doesn’t want to hurt Jaemin. He reaches down but settles for circling the ring of muscles first, observing every reaction Jaemin shows. 

And Jaemin shows a lot; he shivers under Jeno’s touch and arches his back, trying to get Jeno’s finger inside of him and then he moans and the sound goes straight into Jeno’s dick. Jaemin‘s hand reaches for Jeno’s biceps, digging his fingernails into his skin and trying to pull him closer. 

„Jeno“, Jaemin calls out, „Stop teasing and put it in already!“

So Jeno does. It feels weird at first, but then Jaemin‘s muscles give in and then it’s just Jaemin‘s warm, tight walls around Jeno’s finger (and Jeno thinks this is it, this is where his first time with Jaemin is going to end because he‘s about to come from fingering Jaemin alone). 

„Fuck“, he whispers, trying to control himself but Jaemin whines and thrusts his hip, trying to shove Jeno’s finger deeper inside of him, which is really not helping Jeno at all. 

„Don’t just stare, do something!“, Jaemin begs. 

Jeno testingly pulls his finger back a little before pushing it inside of Jaemin again and he absolutely loves the small „ah“, Jaemin rewards his actions with. 

„Good?“, he asks even though he already knows the answer. 

„So good, Jeno“, Jaemin praises him. „Feels so good inside of me, love it so much, Jeno. More, please give me more“. 

Jeno follows Jaemin‘s request and watches in awe how Jaemin is getting more and more fucked out with every thrust of his finger. 

„Another one, give me another one“, Jaemin cries out and so Jeno adds a second finger. 

It goes like that for a while, Jeno carefully testing the waters and Jaemin getting more and more worked up (and Jeno lives for this, he lives for Jaemin begging him for more, lives for making him fall apart with his fingers alone). 

„I have to do all the work by myself!“, Jaemin whines and pushes back onto his fingers. 

„Greedy“, Jeno jokingly comments, watching fascinated how Jaemin‘s hole basically sucks his fingers up. 

„Well, I can‘t help myself if your fingers feel so good but you refuse to fuck me properly with them. Seems like you don’t know how to use them and I- Fuck Jeno, yes, right there!“

„Now would you look at that, it seems like I can use my fingers properly after all“, Jeno mocks, trying his best to hide how much Jaemin thrashing around on his fingers turns him on. 

„More, Jeno, more, please“, Jaemin begs. 

There isn’t really more left, because Jeno has three fingers about knuckle deep in Jaemin’s ass and he supposes that by ‚more‘ Jaemin didn’t mean his fist, so this is probably his cue to substitute his fingers for his dick and oh dear, now Jeno is nervous again. 

Jeno carefully pulls his fingers out which earns him a small protest from Jaemin underneath him. There’s lube all over Jaemin‘s ass, thighs and Jeno’s hand (that may or may not be a bit shaky) which makes it very difficult for him to open the stupid condom. Jeno shoots him an apologetic smile when Jaemin whines impatiently. 

He dries his lube soaked hand on Jaemin‘s bed sheets before trying again but now there’s already lube all over the condom and it slips from Jeno’s grip again. 

„Jesus, Jeno, just let me do it“, Jaemin snatches the condom from Jeno’s hands, rips it open and rolls it up Jeno’s cock before he even gets a chance to process his words. „Now fuck me“, Jaemin spreads his legs. 

Jeno isn‘t sure if it is a blessing or a curse that Jaemin seems to take his proposal of telling him what to do so literally. It’s both, he decides once he’s bottomed out. 

It’s a lot, maybe more than Jeno can take because he finds himself lost in Jaemin‘s embrace, Jaemin‘s touch, Jaemin‘s taste. Being with Jaemin means getting lost, drowning in the sea of desire and lust and love before breaking through the surface again, desperately breathing in air and then getting pulled back into the swirl of yearning to a place where nothing matters except for the two of them. 

„I love you“, Jeno whispers and brings their foreheads together because he’s too breathless for a kiss and he needs Jaemin to knows, even now with his dick buried deep inside of Jaemin (and maybe he should have chosen another moment, maybe he should have followed Donghyuk‘s suggestion that includes flowers and a piano but Jeno can’t help it. In this unfitting moment, he needs to let Jaemin know). 

He’s half prepared for a snarky comment, something along the lines of „that’s what good ass will do“ or a „you sure that you love me and not just my ass?“ but it never comes. 

Jaemin closes the small distance between their lips and kisses him, so gentle, so sweetly that Jeno doesn’t need any words to know that Jaemin feels the same. The kiss is such a stark contrast to the burning desire between them but Jeno cherishes it. 

„I love you too, Jeno“, Jaemin says against his lips and Jeno can feel his warm breath on his skin. He’s about to tell Jaemin even more but a string of endless love confessions gets stuck in his throat when Jaemin suddenly shifts his hips and Jeno can’t really think about anything anymore. It's just the hot, tight body underneath him and Jaemin‘s thrown back head and exposed neck in front of him. 

„Now fuck me like you mean it!“, Jaemin begs and Jeno doesn’t think he ever wanted to follow a request so badly in his life. So he does. 

He loves just how responsive Jaemin is right now when he throws his head back calling out „yes, just like that, fuck me hard!“. Jaemin has always been shameless and Jeno knows that but this, this is a whole other level. He knows exactly what he wants and he’s not afraid to tell Jeno. „Harder, Jeno, I want it harder“ and really, who is Jeno to deny him his wish? 

So Jeno does and Jaemin makes the most beautiful noises Jeno ever heard and he’s sure even their almost deaf neighbor can hear just how good Jeno fucks Jaemin (because that’s exactly what Jaemin is shouting out). And as much as Jeno loves hearing Jaemin screaming his name, he is sure their roommates don't. 

„Shh baby, you need to be a bit more quiet“

Jaemin nods but when Jeno slams back into him he still lets out a series of „Jeno, Jeno, Jeno“ and Jeno doesn‘t know what to do because Jaemin seems to be unable to control his volume right now. He does what his intuition tells him to do: he slaps his hand over Jaemin’s mouth before going back to fucking Jaemin, hard and rough, just how he likes it. 

Jaemins eyes grow almost comically wide before they roll back and Jeno can hear a muffled moan. Jaemin enjoys this, he sucks three of Jeno’s fingers into his mouth and Jeno moans because the sensation of Jaemin around his fingers is driving him crazy. 

Jaemin looks absolutely ruined and Jeno loves it. He’s thrashing around beneath him, his mind seems to have lost all control over his body and with every thrust by Jeno he gets shoved up a little higher on the bed. There is spit on his chin and his lips are swollen, strands of Jaemin’s beautiful pink hair glued onto his sweaty forehead. Jeno wants to worship him (and maybe he should, they all should because Jaemin looks like a god right now). 

Jaemin has lost his ability to build comprehensive sentences, the noises leaving his mouth alternating between „Jeno, Jeno, Jeno“, „yes, yes, yes“ and small, broken moans. Jeno would be embarrassed how much he enjoys it, but he’s past a point where any thought matters that doesn’t involve Jaemin. He loves the sounds fucked out Jaemin makes and he tries his best to force more of these out of him, angling his hips and snapping up into him. Jaemin feels so good around him. 

Suddenly Jaemin’s hooded eyes fly open, his back arches from the bed and his grip around Jeno’s shoulders becomes tight and at first Jeno thinks he might have hurt Jaemin and he’s about to open his mouth to ask him what’s wrong but then Jaemin screams out „Jeno!“ and suddenly Jaemin becomes utterly tight around him. That’s when Jeno realizes that Jaemin just came undone and the thought combined with the feeling of Jaemin is enough to send Jeno over the edge as well. 

His arms give in and he collapses onto Jaemin and it feels like his entire strength just got drained from his body but it’s okay. Jaemin doesn‘t mind, he just holds him close, gently stroking his back. 

„Jeno“, Jaemin says and tries to get him to sit up. Jeno doesn‘t want to though, he wants to stay like that, with his head buried in the crook of Jaemin’s neck and the warmth of Jaemin’s body underneath him. 

„Hmm?“, he hums into the skin of Jaemin’s neck. He’s suddenly very tired, his body is spent from the mind blowing orgasm he just had and his mind is weirdly foggy. 

„Jeno we need to clean up“, Jaemin orders but really, what is he going to do? Jeno could just keep laying on top of him until tomorrow morning, no, until forever. 

„Don’t wanna“, he answers Jaemin’s requests and snuggles even closer. They could stay like this until the end of their lives, he realizes. (Not in this bed, because they need to eat and drink and go to the toilet but they could stay together like this. With Jaemin beating heart against his own). 

„Are you always going to be so cute after we fuck?“, there‘s a smile in Jaemin’s words, despite his intention to tease him and Jeno is too tired to be upset or embarrassed. 

„Hmm“, is everything Jeno offers as an answer. Jaemin is so warm and comfortable, he’s already about to doze off to be honest. 

„Jeno, you‘re still inside of me. At least pull out before you fall asleep“. Okay, maybe Jaemin has a point. 

Jaemin winces, overly sensitive when he carefully pulls out and Jeno feels kind of bad. He hopes that he wasn’t too rough, he could never live with the thought that he hurt Jaemin. 

„Are you okay?“, he asks, a lot more awake than just a few seconds ago because he’s worried, oh dear, what if Jeno made Jaemin feel pain? He scolds himself for going so feral on Jaemin, dammit, he was supposed to make love to Jaemin and not break him. 

„I’m fine, Jeno. Might not be able to walk tomorrow though“, Jaemin shoots him a tired smile. 

„I’m sorry“, Jeno can feel the shame creeping up his neck. Why did he lose control like that? (It’s because of Jaemin. Jaemin just does that to him). 

„Are you kidding me? I just had the best dick of my life, don’t apologize for fucking me into next century“, Jaemin looks almost offended and wow, this boy really is shameless. 

„Don’t be so shameless“, he hides his face in Jaemin’s neck again, this time to hide his blush. 

„Oh? But I was shameless half an hour ago too and I didn’t hear you complain then!“

„Stop“, Jeno says and snuggles closer. 

„Will you serve me breakfast in bed if I can’t walk tomorrow?“, god, Jeno is fucking weak for Jaemin when he asks him sweetly like that. 

„I‘ll serve you breakfast in bed for the rest of your life if you want me to“, he admits. 

„That’s gay“, Jaemin snickers, and it takes Jeno’s entire self control (and the last bits of pity for Jaemin’s ruined ass) to not slap his boyfriend. 

„Are you going to shut up now?“, he asks instead and reaches over to turn off the light on their nightstand. 

„Jeno?“, Jaemin‘s voice sounds a lot louder in the dark. 

„Yeah?“, Jeno pulls Jaemin‘s warm body closer towards him. 

„I love you“. 

___

The shrill screeching of Jaemin’s alarm clock wakes Jeno up the next morning. He opens his eyes and sees- nothing. Nothing, because his face is buried in Jaemin’s neck and Jeno realizes that he is completely wrapped around the other one like a human blanket, except that he’s cold and very naked while Jaemin is equally naked but at least he’s warm. 

„Turn that off“, Jeno groans into Jaemin‘s neck and snuggles closer because it’s so cold in Jaemin’s room. Jaemin on the other hand doesn‘t seem to care because he remains both: motionless and silent. 

„Jaemin?“, Jeno tries again but Jaemin doesn’t react at all so Jeno has no choice but to sit up and reach over to the alarm clock on the nightstand. 

He winces when his sore muscles protests, Jeno wouldn’t have thought that this is the price he has to pay for some awesome sex.

Also, he should have listened to Jaemin yesterday when he insisted on cleaning up. Jeno feels gross, there’s dried sweat and cum sticking to his skin and they just slept in lube covered sheets, great. 

„Jaemin“, Jeno sternly says. „Jaemin wake up, we need a shower“.

Jaemin‘s answer consists of a groan and a pillow that gets shoved into the vague direction of Jeno’s voice. 

„What do I have to do to get you out of bed?“, Jeno pushes the pillow to the side and then scatters small butterfly kisses all over Jaemin‘s face and neck (where dark marks from last night are blooming, how Jeno proudly notices). 

„Stop“, Jaemin groans and tries to push Jeno back but there’s a pleased smile on his lips. 

„You and me. Shower, now“, Jeno orders. 

„No“, Jaemin refuses. „I didn’t even have coffee yet“. 

„You can have coffee after the shower“, Jeno suggests. 

„I can have coffee whenever I want, I‘m an adult and I can do what I want“, Jaemin closes his eyes again and snuggles back against the disgusting sheet. 

„Come on Jaemin, we‘re both sticky and gross“, Jeno tries one last time but Jaemin is still clearly disinterested. 

„Yeah, but also consider this: I don’t want to“, he says and buries his face underneath one of the pillows. 

„Fine, I‘ll get up and have a shower now, feel free to join me“, Jeno grabs a towel and heads towards the bathroom. 

„Join you?“, Jaemin suddenly sounds a lot more awake and his head peaks up from the mess of pillows and sheets. „Wait Jeno, I didn’t know this was an option“, Jaemin calls out and almost falls when he stumbles out of the bed before wincing in discomfort. 

Suddenly Jeno feels guilty again. 

„You’re okay?“, he asks and rushes towards Jaemin to offer a helping hand if needed. 

„Feels like you split me open last night“, Jaemin admits. 

„I‘m sorry“, Jeno apologizes. 

„Bring me coffee before the shower?“, Jaemin asks with big innocent eyes and god dammit, Jeno sure is one weak man but it’s okay. Jeno thinks he likes his weaknesses better when he’s with Jaemin. 

(„Good morning everyone, I want you to know that I can’t walk properly because last night I had Jeno’s massive dick up my a-“

„For the love of god, please don’t finish that sentence“, Mark begs. He doesn’t look very awake yet, sitting on the table with his cup of coffee in one hand and some cereal in the other. 

„We all know, Jaemin. We heard your screams the entire night, believe me“, Donghyuk says and indeed, he doesn’t look like he got a lot of sleep last night either. 

„Jeno yes! Right there, right there, please don’t stop“, Chenle imitates and Jeno’s face flushes. 

„That’s right“, Jaemin proudly exclaims. „I totally got laid and it was so good I thought my soul was abscending my body. Have you ever had that? Did you ever get fucked so good that you-“

„Please don’t open your mouth ever again“, Renjun interrupts him before turning towards Jeno. „Jesus, what did you do to him? Did you fuck his last three brain cells out or what?“

Jeno blushes even deeper and thinks that now would be the perfect time for the floor to open up and swallow him. He stammers out an apology and then turns towards their coffee machine to hide his embarrassment. 

„I hate this family“, Jisung mutters without looking up from his sudoku. 

„Be nice, Jisung, or I‘ll let Jeno fuck me on the kitchen table“, Jaemin says while casually stirring his coffee, as if he was speaking about the weather. 

„Jaemin, I love you but if you ever speak like that about our sexlife in front of our friends again, the only thing you’re going to get shoved up your ass is this foot“, Jeno threatens. 

„That’s kinky!“

„Shut up Hyuk, or I‘m going to tell everyone about your piss kink!“, Jaemin calls out. 

„I told you that was one time and we were-“

„Please be quiet everyone, I just want a peaceful meal for once“, Mark begs and he looks so devastated that everyone for once actually follows his order.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is it, my first story is finished and I‘m honestly a bit sad :(  
> This chapter gave me lots of trouble and I was thinking about rewriting it for the past couple of days but in the end I just decided to post it. Thank you so much for all the amazing feedback and for reading these 25,000 words my sleep deprived mind put on paper.  
> Stay safe and have a great day,  
> ~ Saphirsilber ♥️


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